Fake Breasts Versus Real Breasts- a Bias Assessment

Every year, women spend millions of dollars to have bags of silicone injected into their bodies. The addiction to the gooey mounds is immense, the lure spanning across the female spectrum. Fat and thin, attractive and unattractive women are drawn to the silicone bags, undergoing intense surgeries in order to make their bodies more “appealing”. Is it really worth it? After all is said and done, is the $6000 bucks they invested into inflating their chest really worth it? After all, fake breasts can’t even hold a candle to the real thing.

First and foremost: Fake boobs look exactly the same.

If you have ever seen porn, then you know exactly what fake breasts look like: perfect. How creepy is that?

Second: They don’t move, EVER.

This means that if you get fake breasts, you can run as many miles as you want without a cumbersome sports bra. You won’t have to spend agonizing hours bouncing around a dressing room trying to squeeze your DDs into a massive and hideous sports bra just so you can speed walk comfortably on the treadmill at your gym. In fact, with fake breasts, you will never have to wear a bra again. You can go “commando” anywhere, anytime. In other words, you won’t be inconvenienced by a pair of breasts that at times, seem to have a mind of their own.

Third: They are incredibly perky.

Imagine a pair of breasts so high on your chest that people mistake you for being in your twenties when you are actually in your thirties. I can’t think of anything more annoying than being mistaken as being a decade younger.

Fourth: Fake breasts never need adjusting.

Since they don’t move, you will never have to “adjust” to ensure that your nipples are properly aligned.

Fifth: Fake breasts are likely to be the same size.

Since they are manufactured, with fake breasts it is unlikely that you will ever have to worry about that pesky “lop-sided” business. No longer will you have to endure a slightly larger breast, in fact, your new fake breasts will mirror one another perfectly.

Wow, with so many benefits I can hardly think of a reason not to subject myself to a life-threatening operation for something as shallow as breasts. Oh wait, it’s because fake breasts are gross, dangerous and unnatural. In reality, while all of the above “perks” would be great, I simply cannot support something as superficial as fake breasts. Not to mention the fact that since I hit puberty hardcore at the age of 11, sprouting DDs, I am a bit bias. I am a believer that if you did not have to endure teasing for your large knockers from a tender age, you do not deserve to have large knockers.

All jokes aside, I pity the woman who thinks she must have bigger or better breasts to be truly happy in life.