7 Tips for Dealing with Negative Personalities at Work and Elsewhere

We’ve all had to deal with them at one time or another, negative personalities I mean. Don’t you just hate it when you are having a perfectly good day, wonderful in fact and you go to share it with someone, and instead of being happy for your good fortune, their goal is to take the wind out of your sails? These are the sorts of people who are gloom and doom all the time. They aren’t happy themselves, so they have to go out of their way to make sure those around them are as miserable as they are. When they are successful at this you can find yourself feeling discouraged, drained, moody, and as unhappy as your counterparts. The fact of the matter is, it does not have to be this way.

Here are some tips for dealing with negative personalities.

1. Remind yourself that their pain, upset, and unhappiness is theirs not yours. Now this may sound kind of unfeeling, but remember a negative personality’s goal is to get you to believe as they do that the world is out to get you! It’s not. They just want you to believe that it is, then they’ve got someone to whine, and vent to, as well as in general make as miserable as they are. I’m not suggesting that occasional venting is a bad thing. It’s not, but a negative personality is always venting, it’s 24/7 deal with them. So, the point here is to distance yourself by remembering it is their upset not yours, and not to make it yours.

2. Be positive yourself. Even when things are going really terrible, if you work on being positive as much as possible you will feel better, and you will make those around you feel better. It’s even possible the negative personality will find themselves feeling and being more positive. Believe it or not being positive yourself is the best gift you can give a negative personality. They won’t like it at first, in fact they may do their worst to try and bring you down to the same negative level, you just have to be strong and not allow it. Remember, you have the power.

3. Do you have a negative person in your life who calls you continually just to complain, and be negative? I’ll bet you either have such a person now or have had one in the past. Most of us have. Practice getting off the phone quickly if a negative person calls you, and starts being negative. You may have picked up the phone either because you’d feel guilty if you didn’t, or you picked it up without realizing who it was. Practice getting off quickly when the conversation turns to negativity. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I have to go now.” Don’t apologize. You haven’t done anything wrong, just be firm and get off the phone. It won’t be long before the negative personality stops calling, or gets the message. Hopefully they just get the message and start working on being positive, or at the very least they won’t be negative around you.

4. Is the negative personality you are dealing with at work, and hard to avoid? Try playing soft music such as Native American flute music, or Celtic harp music. It’s amazing how powerful music can be on the psyche. By playing relaxing, pleasant music quietly in the background you will help yourself and others to remain positive. This can also work if you have a negative personality that comes to your home to visit.

5. Be firm about not being willing to be negative. This is hard sometimes, but negative personalities can be very persistent, and they will try and suck you into negative conversations in the guise of asking for your help for example. Maybe the negative personality is having a hard time with your mutual boss, and starts out in the guise of asking for your help with a project that he/she needs help completing to make the deadline. Then suddenly you find yourself sitting at a work table in the office supply or an empty conference room with the door shut, and this person speaking negatively about your boss for the next two days while you try to help them. If you find yourself in this situation there is nothing wrong with saying, “Can we please talk about something more pleasant? If not then I need to get back to my own work.” Be willing to repeat yourself at least once. If it does not work, and the negative personality will not stop, get up and leave. While the negative personality may have a valid grievance with your boss, he/she should take that up with Human Resources, particularly if you’ve given no indication that you have had the same experiences.

6. Cut ties with any negative personality that is extreme where you can. I realize that sometimes these people are tied to your employment and your livelihood, but if you can, cut the ties. If you cannot yet, then do so as soon as possible. Negativity can be catching, and once it has caught you it can affect your health in insidious ways. You can become depressed, anxious, and unhappy all of which can lead to longer term problems such as heart disease, strokes, weight gain, and diabetes. Trust me it’s not worth it.

7. If you can’t cut ties with the person because they are a relative you love, at the very least limit contact as much as possible. Also try not to be alone with the negative personality. Sometimes if there is an unknown factor such as a friend of yours they’ve never met, the person will hesitate to be too negative around an unknown. This isn’t always true, but there are instances when it can help.

Negative personalities are a fact of life, and you can find them in all facets of your life. They can be friends, relatives, co-workers, employees, and even complete strangers. Who hasn’t been accosted by an aggressive stranger? Most of us have been at one time or another. Keeping these tips in mind will at the very least minimize the impact of negative personalities in your life.