It can be difficult to transition from a life of marriage to divorce. To help understand what are some challenges someone may have after a divorce and for tips on starting over after a divorce, I have interviewed psychologist David Gosse.
Tell me a little bit about yourself.
I am a psychologist and personal coach in Las Vegas, Nevada. I have been in independent practice for nine years. Areas that I focus on in my practice include helping couples resolve relationship conflicts and improve communication skills in the service of helping them have the best relationship possible. In addition, I also work with individuals who are going through difficult life situations, including starting over after the aftermath of divorce.”
What are some challenges someone may have after a divorce?
“Divorce is a major life stressor that has many aspects to it. There are of course the emotional challenges of divorce such as anger, depression, anxiety, grief, confusion, disappointment, and feelings of worthlessness, which can be extremely intense, especially after the initial decision to get divorced and in particularly difficult divorce situations. These challenges are also compounded in many cases by the financial repercussions of divorce, custody issues for those that have children, and the social repercussions. In some cases individuals lose a number of friends in the process of divorce.
These challenges are made all the more intense with the members of the couple have neglected to maintain healthy support systems during the course of their marriage. Such support networks can do a lot to prevent divorce in the first place, but they can also help individuals cope more effectively with the aftermath of divorce. In contrast, individuals who get divorced and don’t have a healthy support system or who do but have difficulties asking for help are much more likely to have difficulty coping with divorce . They are also at risk of developing clinically significant symptoms of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and so forth.”
What type of professional help is available for someone that is having a difficult time starting over after divorce?
Professional assistance can be extremely important in helping an individual cope with the challenges of divorce as best as practically possible, in addition to helping them process their grief over the relationship loss. A good counselor can also help a person in a constructive way to review the factors that led to their divorce so that one can learn from the failures in their marriage in the service of growing more as a person and having a more successful relationship in the future.
In addition to individual counseling, there are also therapy groups led by a clinician with other individuals who are going through the same situation. Such groups are usually less expensive than individual therapy, and have the additional advantage of allowing one to hear about other people’s struggles with divorce. This can help a person feel less alone in their struggles and give them a chance to receive additional understanding and support.”
What are some tips on starting over after divorce?
“One of the most important tips about starting over after divorce is this ‘” don’t go through it alone! Utilize whatever healthy support you have available from your friends and your family because this is not a time to try to be self-reliant. Conversely, if you have friends and family that are not supportive of you ‘” especially if they are critical of you ‘” keep your distance from them while you process your loss.
Outside of professional help, there are also divorce support groups in many communities where individuals going through divorce come together to discuss their respective struggles in a structured setting. Support groups differ from therapy groups in that support groups are generally led by the members of the group and there is no clinician present. In addition to being offered in the community, many churches also offer divorce support groups.
Self-care is also important during this time. Basic activities such as eating right, sleeping, and exercising regularly are important during this time. In addition, constructive activities that make one feel good ‘” hobbies, social activities, church, etc. – are also important to devote time to in the aftermath of a divorce. But again don’t go through it alone. Self-care activities by themselves are part of the answer, but are not enough by themselves.”
Thank you David for doing the interview on tips for starting over after divorce. For more information on David Gosse or his work you can check out his website on drdavidgosse.com .
Recommended Readings:
How to Handle Divorce Anger
Helping Your Child Through Divorce and Separation
Recovering from Divorce
