Tiger Mother: She Roars but Who’s Listening?

Amy Chua occupies a lot of roles: Yale law-school professor, accomplished writer, devoted daughter, and loving wife. But perhaps the one she is most proud of is the role of being a mother–but not just any kind of a mother–a tiger mother.

Before starting the review of her book, The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, we really have to define what a tiger mother is, since there doesn’t seem to be a authoritative definition of the words. I only have to go by Amy’s indirect definition in her book, which is a parent, usually of Chinese descent, who doesn’t allow her children to

• “Attend a sleepover
• Have a playdate [sic]
• Be in a school play
• Complain about not being in a school play
• Watch TV or play computer games
• Choose their own extracurricular activities
• Play any instrument other than the piano or violin
• Not play the piano or violin.”

One word: Yikes! (I wonder if Amy Chua and my mother were sharing tips.)

The first part of this book was as if it were written by my mother. To call Amy tough with her children would be an understatement. She openly threatens her children. When that doesn’t work, she engages in subterfuge to get them to do what she wants. If the children are still obstinate, she calls them names like “self-indulgent,” “pathetic,” and even “garbage.” She even goes so far as to ripping to shreds the birthday cards her daughters hand-made for her. Um, okay. She’s gained her critics, but she’s also gained support, even from her very own daughter.

I agree with Amy’s statements that this book is clearly not a guide on parenting. From the start to the finish, it reads like an autobiography about a specific point in a parent’s life. Amy’s downright humorous throughout. No, not about how she treats her children but by how risible and overwrought some of her actions were when she looks at them in retrospect. There’s a lot of hyperbolic language about Chinese expectations and Western laxity.

At the end, she learns her lesson, which is that what works for one child may not work for others. And she learns parental continence: You can have expectations for your children and respect without name calling or excessive excoriation. Parenting is about the children, not the parent.

Lesson learned. Good job, Amy.