The Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem and the Post-Abortive Woman

Despite those loudly saying otherwise, abortion has a proven traumatic impact on women emotionally. Aborted children are not the only victims of abortion; the post-abortive woman suffers too. The Pro-Choice movement still denies a direct link between emotional suffering and abortion, yet many women are finally speaking up and proving otherwise.

One area many post-abortive women struggle with is low self-esteem. Due to constant self-recrimination, most post-abortive women fight feelings of unworthiness, shame and guilt.

The following is an adaptation from “A Course in Self-Esteem” by Channing Grigsby.

The Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem

1. Defend and Deny

• blame self & others; chronic complainers
• chronic victims; take everything personally
• Reactive: behave a level of defense, not out of need
• Carry a lot of unidentified pain, causing avoidance of the present moment
• Often have body-image problems, do not see themselves realistically
• Perfectionist personality in order to create an area of safety
• Controlling in order to create an area of safety
• Live within a closed circle – unable to admit negatives, failures, fears, – makes it nearly impossible to receive reassurance
• Full of resentment; tend to be fault-finding/critical
• Hypervigilant (for safety); a “good person”; often selfless in behavior; a caretaker
• Prone to accidents and physical stress disorders (headache, colitis, ulcers, TMJ, constipation or diarrhea)
• Minimizes – things are not so bad; they’ll be better tomorrow for sure
• Confused in behavior – doesn’t know what to do first or how to do it.
• Create a powerful, detailed false self; afraid of being wrong
• Grandiosity – they are either the greatest or the worst

2. Addicted/Compulsive Behavior

• Primary addiction is to powerlessness
• Addiction to drugs – legal and illegal; prescription and nonprescription
• Have process and compulsive behaviors

3. Feeling Disordered

• Suicidal thoughts; shyness
• Depression don’t laugh or cry much
• Panic/anxiety attacks, chronic frustration (can’t make it OK)
• Chronic global anxiety; don’t know what they feel
• Phobias and fears; wonder if they’re crazy (they’re not)
• Excessive distrust; unable to feel; unable to express feelings
• Experience high levels of guilt, shame, fear, sorrow, hurt, anger

4. Feels like an Orphan

• Nobody loves me, not even me: bereft, abandoned, rejected
• An idealist with great disappointments: have high hopes and great fears
• Feels like an imposter; discounts praise; feels/acts invisible
• Expects disappointment; trusts no one
• Difficulty sharing and communicating, especially their fears
• Feel defective and flawed
• Isolated and alone; frustrated in quest for intimacy

5. Undifferentiated Dependency Needs/Boundary Problems

• Indirect Self acceptance: if you like me, I must be okay
• Lack of individualism; can’t function w/out parents direction; imitate others
• Unable to draw a line between own problem and someone else’s problem
• Has not achieved a whole and equal relationship
• Doesn’t know what they are and are not responsible for
• Difficulty saying “no”; difficulty asserting oneself
• Excessive need for attention

6. Disordered Thought

• Distorted perception of reality
• Ruminate and mull matters endlessly; worry obsessively
• Destructive inner dialogue; run a constant critical commentary against self
• Constantly scheme and plan mentally to get safe and in control
• Lack of objective capacity; lack of healthy critical sense; bad judgment
• Difficulty concentrating and focusing attention; scattered thinking
• Unable to process sequences; confused when trying to put things in order; unable to prioritize; doesn’t know what is first or most important
• Dishonesty

A post-abortive woman may not realize her low self-esteem is related to her abortion. Repression and transference are common coping mechanisms and may cause a woman to completely disengage from her abortion experience. She may fail to connect the dots between her abortion and her feelings of unworthiness.

The opposite can also be true. A woman who has experienced an abortion may be unable to overcome the guilt and shame associated with her experience. These feelings may be so strong that she feels completely unworthy and has trouble in many areas of her life. Depression and suicidal thoughts may be prevalent, she may have trouble maintaining relationships or holding a job.

For the post-abortive woman, feelings of unworthiness are a serious issue. Her negative feelings will impact all aspects of her life and have a direct impact on how she views herself and how she thinks other view her. It is necessary for her to look for the roots of her low self-esteem. Often the symptoms are just the “tip of the iceberg”. Searching deeper into past relationships, family dynamics, and circumstances is often needed to identify the core event or course of events that lead to the acceptance of unworthiness. Abortion may or may not be the only catalyst in her downward spiral.