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The 10 Rules of Indie Hipster Dress

Lip Piercing

I once went to a “Punk Rock Flea Market” in Philadelphia, to sell off some of my excess belongings and have a bit of fun. At least i made the money back for the table, and some profit, but not much..but i think i coulda sold more only IF i had some stuff that hipsters wanted to buy….it kinda sucked that i got more sneers than sales for my trouble. However, spending the day in a hot-ass basement of a UU church, one is forced to do a lot of people watching…and now for your enjoyment..

The Rules Of Indie Hipster Dress!

1. Thou must have a lip piercing…on thy bottom lip and if one must have two piercings they must be on either side so you can look twice the tool!

2. Men: must have either a beard or a shaved head; otherwise you must look as though you just rolled out of bed, though it probably took you hours to get it just that mess o’ trendy. Women: must have the same ‘out of bed’ look OR have it dyed at least two or three colors…no more than that…otherwise you are just a poser. Oh and you must wear either a messy chingon OR pigtails once a month, to honor the KinderWhore goddesses of the 90’s in that most ironic way.

3. Honor thy Oversized, Ultra Nerdy frames and keep them holy and perched upon your pretentious nose to complete that ‘I have perfect vision but dammit i want everyone to know how quirky and individual i am’look on your face

4. He/She who has the most obscure vintage 70’s or 80’s washed out t-shirt or most tacky thrift store house dress ensemble wins!

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5. You can ONLY wear those god-awful truckers hats (that were corny back when they were FIRST popular) when you parade around in horribly sewn clothes made from really worn out thrift store clothes, that shows that you are craftier and more non-conformist than those boobs who bought said thrift store clothes for $20 a pop at Urban Outfitters.

6. You are nobody until someone reads your shirt, and then the shirt must be from some ultra-underground emo group that was founded, toured and broke up all in the week before, because only then will you earn street cred.

7. Buttons, buttons…who’s got the multitude of 1″ buttons of bands/pop culture icons/etc from before you were born, cause you are so retro like that.

8. You must put on the armor of the Rawk Gods…and put studs on every gaddam piece of clothing you own so people know that you are the XxROXORSxX

9. If you are SXE or VEGAN you must sew a stenciled patch on every shirt, backpack and hat you wear advertising that fact, because you are so fucking superior everyone must bow down before your non-beef eating/wearing, non-drinking/drugging, totally fucking full of hot air uptight anti-establishment ass!

10. Last but not least….only indie girls with NO tits get to wear cleavage-bearing necklines…you fat chicks will have to cover it up, unless you have a lot of tattoos….but not matter what size you are male, or female…you must let the low-rider pants display your oh-so-hip butt-leavage…you know…to stick it to the MAN.

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I guess I’m a bit jaded about my experience,but its all good though…i did have a good time…except for this one chick hanging out with the other vendor behind me was cracking herself up almost the whole day with this ANNOYING laughter that carried over the whole damn room…i was ready to cut her for real-real…not for play-play.

and the other minor annoyance…my ghetto cart front right wheel has broken from the axle making it skid around the frame leaving me to drag it around philly by its back wheels all the way home!

*sigh* oh, well…at least I made $60 bucks!