Product Review: Worst Dissolving Teeth Whitening Strips in the World

I realize the title is juvenile and grandiose. In this instance, however, it is the tooth of the matter.

Lornamead Brands, Incorporated owns the “Natural White” DSolve registration and trademark. It is distributed under store brand names, like Kroger. The particular teeth whitening dissolving strips I used carried the Kroger quality guarantee. I fully intend to cash in on that guarantee.

I have never challenged a company on their guarantee before. The box says if I’m “not fully satisfied with this product, return it for a refund or replacement.” I’ll have a little cash in hand in a few minutes, after I finish spreading the word about this big waste of, well, $6 bucks. (I digress.)

Kroger Dissolving Whitening Strips are supposed to:

· “Conveniently” whiten and refresh my teeth “&” freshen my breath…”anytime, anywhere.

· Dissolve completely leaving “no messy residue & no plastic film to discard.

·.

· One-size strip accommodates both upper and lower teeth.

It is supposed to be as simple as “carefully” opening the pouch and removing the whitening strip. I was then to “peel strip away from backing and apply on [my] teeth (the side against the plastic should be applied against teeth). Then, magically the “strip will dissolve completely in 5-7 minutes.”

It sounds so refreshing and easy. Besides, my wonderful husband saved $2 bucks buying generic. It appears to be a win-win situation. I didn’t think it would take more than 8 – 10 minutes.

Thirty minutes later, I have decided that this is the worst product I have ever used. Please, take me literally. I have found this to be the product that, proverbially, “could make a preacher’s wife cuss.” It did.

I do not consider any product that requires my opening five packages “convenient.” I certainly could not use this product “anytime, anywhere.” I don’t have thirty minutes to spare all the time and everywhere. I couldn’t even open the product “carefully,” despite the tear-strip. I pulled and tugged, and despite the danger of harming los dentes I wanted to whiten, I placed the metal packlette between my teeth and yanked. After retrieving two eye teeth from the floor, I went to get the scissors. ..Well, I did get the scissors.

I finally reached the whitening strips, which leave “no messy residue & no plastic film to discard.” Simply removing one strip, which allegedly would treat both upper and lower teeth, proved to be a feat. Five packages later. I had bits and pieces scraped from five strips, leaving the majority of the film on the card to discard.

The “fresh vanilla mint flavor” was indescribable, but I will try. It tasted like a freshly unpackaged vinly shower curtain, with a hint of minty freshness. As I held my mouth in the unavoidable sticky-goo on my teeth position for 5-7 minutes waiting impatiently for the mess to dissolve, my son came in and observed the mess dangling from my mouth and questioned whether I had my rabies vaccination.

Roughly 8 minutes later (no, I’m not even giving this product the benefit of the doubt on this point.), the viscous slaver disappeared.

I made a beeline for the computer, and now, I’m off to get my six dollars back and buy some Crest whitening strips, gel, or shoe polish. Anything is better than Kroger Dissolving Whtening Strips.

Caveat Emptor!