Planting Lettuces, as Told by a Toddler

I’m the mother of an extremely eccentric toddler, who will be three in two months. Today, while we were working in my garden, she began narrating our activities as she were recalling them in a memoir. At the request of a friend, and my daughter herself, I decided to publish my daughter’s memoir of our day in the garden as an “ark-ickle.”

Everything below is transcribed, verbatim, from my odd, bright toddler.

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“Let’s go plant some lettuces,” said Mama.

Vivian said, “Let’s go hug each other, Mama.”

“Okay, let’s hug. And then we’ll plant lettuces,” wur-plied Mama.

Then Mama and Vivian went to the back yard and picked up the dirt with a triangle shovel. Mama and Vivian made a lettuce bed in the shape of a rectangle. There were lots and lots of dirts.

Vivian had her own way of digging. She used her bare hands!

“Why don’t you use your new purple shovel?” asked Mama.

“Because this is more fun,” wur-plied Vivian.

It took a long time to dig a bed for the cabbages. I mean lettuces.

Mama and Vivian put a bunch of dirty bunny poop litter in the lettuce’s bed. Bunny poop is good for bunnies and it’s good fertilizer, which is– fertilizer is bunny food. Or plant food. It’s plant food.

There are lots of leafy vegetables. There are cabbage, spinach, custard, mustard and parsley. Do bunnies like to eat vegetables? Yes, they sure do.

Mama and Vivian planted lettuces in the back bunny floor. No! Mama and Vivian planted them in the lettuce bed.

Mama broke one of the lettuce leaves.

“Go feed this to the bunnies,” said Mama.

Vivian went to the bunnies’ cages and fed the bunnies some cabbage. Or she she fedded them some leaves. Or lettuce.

And Mama and Vivian planted some cabbage-I-mean-lettuce. And other bunny food things.

Then Mama and Vivian got the hose and watered the plants so they can grow. And Vivian put her little orange horse under the water, and later put him under the Subey-car where he got lost.

Then they planted the extra lettuces in the front yard near Eowyn’s cage, I mean Frodo’s cage.

Best of all, it was time for Mama and Vivian to come inside and find something to eat. They ate some beans and some bunnies. No! They ate some beans and a pocket sandwich.

Vivian drank a Clifford juice box, and Mama drank some juice tea stuff that was organic.

Cow’s milk is organic, too. Some cow’s milk is organic. Organic cow’s milk has a picture of a jumping cow on the box. We drink organic cow’s milk because it’s better for the cows and it’s better for cow’s and it’s better for cows and better for horses and better for cows and for cows who are pretending like it’s a horse shower. And organic cow’s milk is also better for the earth and better for the cow and better for you.

The End