Sometimes I get frustrated with the constant and seemingly omnipresent misuse of certain words and phrases in the [American] English language.
First and foremost, thanks in part to Alanis Morissette’s biggest hit, “Ironic,” irony has been one of the most widely misunderstood and misused words in the English catalog. It’s evident that the vast majority of this country is convinced that irony is simply a fancy synonym for “coincidence.” That it is not.
Irony is a contrast between what is expected and what actually happens. When you have a set expectation of something, and the result is to the contrary, then you have irony. It was a bit ironic, for example, when the Pistons destroyed the Lakers in the NBA Finals a couple years past when the sports pundits almost unanimously predicted the opposite to occur.
It was ironic when the world discovered a couple years ago that Strom Thurmond, candidate for President of the United States running on the Segregation Party’s ticket over half a century ago, had fathered the daughter of a black woman.
It would be ironic if you were a tall skinny man and you decided to be Mario from Mario Brothers for Halloween and then discovered that your short, fat brother decided to be Luigi.
Irony is often used in comedy, since the unexpected is so often inherently funny. Just imagine Homer Simpson sitting in a chair wearing a fine suit and reading “The New Yorker.” It might not make you laugh but it should at least seem a bit silly.
Irony is not having a thousand forks when all I need is a knife and irony is not meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife (Morissette lyrics, not my own words). Those are both just unfortunate coincidences, along with every other case in her sob story of a song.
One could take a stab at arguing that these are in fact irony by some stretch. One could hold that having a thousand forks might be unexpected and thus ironic since one would expect to encounter a knife somewhere down the line.
Fine, I’ll let you have that one. I still hold that it is clear, however, that this example, and every other in the song, exemplifies the irony/coincidence confusion I’m discussing here.
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break, for example, isn’t ironic by any stretch. Neither is a traffic jam when you’re already late. Again, these are just everyday coincidental bummers.
Another word, the misuse of which is strikingly widespread, is impact. Impact is a noun synonymous with collision or effect and never a verb meaning “to have an impact on.” For that, substitute affect with an “a,” and please avoid effect with an “e,” which is a noun and not a verb unless you are referring to bringing something into effect. As a verb, impact only refers to the act of packing things firmly together. Teeth can be impacted, but not concepts.
Some of you reading this probably couldn’t care less. Well, if that’s what’s on your mind I just hope your thought used the word “couldn’t” rather than “could.” Saying “I could care less” without the negative adjustment obviously implies that you care more than you could, meaning that you do in fact care.
Still, many persons utilize the phrase “I could care less” to mean that they in fact couldn’t. This is a little ironic, don’t you think?
