Howard Stern’s ‘Private Parts’ Nearly Canceled My ‘Star Trek’ TV Interview

Hatred is seldom constructive. Sure, we may hate lima beans, but culinary hate only insults canned veggies or clueless cooks whipping up limp lima. When hatred interferes with something as exciting as a TV interview, it’s simply embarrassing for the one doing the hating. For me, the hater was CNN’s Jack Cafferty – once a local news anchor for NYC’s WPIX. Cafferty’s hate for Howard Stern threatened to derail my ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ TV interview.

Bill Clinton was President, and I’d just sold my first TV script to Paramount Pictures. I’d been a big “Star Trek” fan, so scoring my first writing sale for the legendary franchise was the stuff of dreams. When my school, Ramapo College of NJ, coordinated an interview with Channel 11 WPIX, it turned more dreamy. Little did I know Jack Cafferty would seek to turn my dream into a nightmare.

Although a local New York City station, WPIX benefits from ‘super station’ status – it’s also carried by satellite in other markets. When the news department called to confirm, they told me my interview wouldn’t be only seen in NYC, but all over America. The same day a massive earthquake hit LA, so there was doubt about whether a ‘color’ piece on a local boy making good in Hollywood could be run amid the west coast turmoil. Finally, the interview was a go, and the Cafferty oddity began.

WPIX sent reporter Jason Carroll. Jason’s a great guy and he’s now Cafferty’s CNN colleague. Kaity Tong would do my introduction. Everything was set, except I unknowingly owned an item Mr. Cafferty would strongly object to being seen on his newscast.

Howard Stern, soon to be judge of “America’s Got Talent”, had recently written his blockbuster bio, “Private Parts.” It was the must get book for Stern fans and pop culture aficionados alike. A buddy had gifted me with the hilarious volume, and I prominently displayed it near the PC I used to write my TNG script.

While the camera crew set up, Jason checked with the studio through his earpiece and things still proceeded smoothly, until he began looking worriedly at my Stern book. “That must be removed from the shot.” he said.

“Why?” I replied. This was getting weird.

Jason paused, listening to his earpiece. “Jack… He… They don’t want it in the shot.”

As a Howard Stern fan for years, I knew there was no love lost between Stern and Cafferty. Details of their dust-ups escape me, but Cafferty and Stern were broadcasters made from oil and water. Now, Mr. Oil wanted me to remove Sir Water’s bestseller from the TV interview of my life.

I thought, “Oh, hell no!’

“If the book goes, there’s no interview.”, I said calmly, and I meant it. Talk about sticking up for your comic idol. This was also principle. I felt strongly such a request was beneath anyone to ask, and certainly was far too silly for me to grant. The book remained. My interview went off smoothly. Jack Cafferty survived seeing the blockbuster book of his nemesis in the shot.

Cafferty’s constipated CNN rants don’t amount to much. Apparently, he’s now in no place to intimidate interviewees. His banter with Wolf Blitzer can be fun, but far more for how Wolf reacts to the civil challenged, acerbic Cafferty. I wonder if he urges Wolf to order guests to remove articles of clothing, buttons from lapels, or tell them not stand in front of something objectionable to the terminally cranky Cafferty.

If he’s still so petty and small minded, here’s my advice: Jack Cafferty, you survived my interview with Howard Stern’s “Private Parts” in the shot, life’s way too short to obsess over the little things.