How-to Get a Divorce in Chicago

The steps to getting a divorce in the Chicago area are based upon my experiences in doing it. It turns out that to do so you don’t need a huge amount of money. You don’t need to hire the most-expensive lawyers. You actually don’t have to spend days and weeks or even months in court fighting and shouting at your spouse.

What’s the catch? Well, you have to be divorcing someone who really wants to divorce you. It also helps not to have any children or property to dispute. Finally, it also helps to have a spouse who lives in another state and wants to get married to someone else and so they just want your marriage to be over. There is this thing known as a “no-fault” divorce and if you happen to be in a situation like that then here are the steps to filing one.

Step one – You really have to get married. Exactly why you would want to get involved in a divorce when you aren’t married I cannot imagine. In fact, you can’t. It’s quite impossible to divorce someone you aren’t married to unless you are a kid looking to divorce your parents and that’s a whole different thing. So, if you really want to experience going through a divorce you are going to have to go out and date and marry someone. You can also use one of those services that sends you to a foreign country to find a bride. Regardless of how you do it, you should get married first.

Step two – Decide you want to get a divorce. This can really come anytime within the marriage. If you decide you want to part too early in the relationship then you should probably get an annulment. However, if you wait a few years then you’ll probably need to get a divorce.

Step three – Divide up all of your stuff. Yes, if you want to you can do this through the courts but that can take a long time. If you can stomach doing this and still talk to your spouse then you should go through all of your stuff and divide it up. Go through everything. Decide who should get the vacuum cleaner. Divide up your dishes.

Step four – Separate. It helps if the person you are married to has been sleeping in the spare bedroom for about a year and already met someone else. This would indicate that your spouse has already moved on and is not really interested in spending any more time worrying about you. This may hurt your pride but it is amazing how easy this makes getting the eventual divorce. It also helps if they pack up themselves and then move out while you are at work.

Step five – Have your spouse decide to remarry. This is key. Really it’s best if the person who left you for someone else decides that they want to move on and get re-married. It really makes it easier when they call you and make half-hearted offers to pay for the divorce because they want to get re-married.

Step six – Find a lawyer. I used the side of a bus. You can use the Yellow Pages if you really want to. I saw an ad that said “Need a Divorce?” I just happened to answer that in the affirmative. You then call the number and a guy will give you the location of their offices

Step seven – Show up at the lawyer’s office. If it’s downtown you might want to consider public transportation. Chicago has a great public transportation system and I recommend you use it.

Step eight – Fill out the paperwork. If you go the route of using a lawyer you find on the side of a bus you will show up at the office and it will look like a doctor’s office. You will then fill out the paperwork which will look like an insurance form. Use correct spelling. Fill everything out correctly. If the lawyer you meet says, “You’re the first guy to fill out the paperwork correctly” you’ll know you’ve done it right.

Step nine – Write the check. It may not cost as much as a long drawn out case but it ain’t free. Mine cost me $700. Given the adjustments for inflation yours may cost a lot more. Just sign the check and push it across the big wooden desk. The guy will tell you when to be at the courthouse.

Step ten – Show up at the courthouse. They give you time and the place. Just be sure you show up on time. Lateness is not taken kindly in the court system.

Step eleven – Meet your lawyer. I met mine the day of the court appearance. When you show up and look around nervously just look for the guy carrying a briefcase and wearing a suit that also is looking around lost and a little nervous. More than likely, he’s your guy.

Step twelve – Talk to the judge. In a no-fault divorce the judge will ask you a bunch of questions. You just need to answer them. They are usually yes and no questions. Your spouse doesn’t need to be there.

Step thirteen – Collect your paperwork. That’s it. The judge waves his magic gavel and you are divorced. Now you can get your copy of the divorce and your lawyer will tell you that you can get more copies within the courthouse.

That’s it. You are now divorced and free to pursue younger women and a life of religious fulfillment.