When I was a kid and I wanted to cuss without getting busted, I’d tell someone to “Go to Hell, … Michigan.” Back then, I knew that Hell was a real Michigan town, but thought that it was either an abandoned iron ore mine ghost town in the Upper Peninsula; or a podunk that existed only to sell postcards.
I did some research and immediately eliminated the former option, and decided that Hell, Michigan was more closely aligned with the latter.
About Hell
Hell, Michigan is a Southeast Michigan unincorporated community. As of 2000, there were at least 266 people living in Hell. As small as the town is, however, Hell has a long history that goes back to 1838. In other words, the town and its name weren’t a just another cheap Johnny-Come-Lately novelty ploy created specifically to sell postcards.
How Hell got its name … kinda
There are actually two stories told about how the town got its unusual name. One may be true.
The George Reeves story
Hell, Michigan’s George Reeves had nothing to do with television’s Superman. In 1838, Reeves had built a grain mill and general store outside of the medium-sized city of Pinckney. According to the town’s website, Hell2u.com, Reeves not only milled grain, he also turned it into moonshine. Because he was known to often imbibe in his own product, his wife would constantly be asked, “Where’s your husband?”
And she’d often reply, “Ahh, he’s gone to Hell.”
In 1841, a state of Michigan official asked George Reeves to name his town and he said, “Call it Hell for all I care. Everyone else does.”
The two German travelers story
The second story involved two German travelers who were hiking in the nearby hills. Upon arriving at George Reeves’ property, one of the travelers exclaimed that the area was “so bright and beautiful.” This exclamation translated into German as “So schon und hell.”
The town of Hell today
As would be expected, Hell is the quintessential one-horse-town with a so-called “main drag” consisting of three buildings, all catering in some way to locals and tourists who visit for the town’s name alone.
The main drag
Hell’s businesses include Screams Ice Cream Parlor where they offer an ice cream buffet served out of a coffin. Sundae topping names include “Ghost Poop”, “Toenail Clippings”, “Bat Droppings”, and “Dark Ooze.”
At the Dam Site Inn tavern, you can order the specialty of the house, a “Bloody Devil” cocktail.
Even though Hell’s Wedding Chapel looks more like a double-wide outhouse, couples can rent it out for $66 just to say that their marriage was made in Hell, or that it was a cold day in Hell before they’d get married.
Damnation University (or “Dam U”) is a recently opened business where you can buy Associate ($19.95), Bachelors ($49.99), and Masters (S69.99) “diplomas” for areas of study such as “Green Thumbology”, “Television Sports Enthusiasm”, “Culinary Ignorance”, and the ever popular “School of Hard Knocks.”
Hell celebrations
On June 6, 2006, Hell offered a special “666” celebration to honor the calendar convergence. They even turned the local playground into “The Gates of Hell.”
On April 15 Tax Day, the town holds their annual “Taxes from Hell” event that draws a crowd of taxpayers who flock to the local post office mainly to send their dreaded tax returns to the IRS with a “Hell” postmark.
SOURCES:
http://www.roadsideamerica.com/tips/getAttraction.php?tip_AttractionNo==2456
http://www.roadsideamerica.com/tnews/NewsItemDisplay.php?Tip_AttrId==13181
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13123952/
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8886096/
http://wikitravel.org/en/Hell_(Michigan)
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A3868617
http://www.damu.com/
