Ha Ha Hanukkah Gift Guide: 8 Crazy Gifts for 8 Crazy Nights

Picking out the perfect present for a special day is far from easy, but add seven more nights to that, and you’ve got a daunting task that could turn even the most cheerful person into a Grinch. That’s the upcoming problem facing Jewish people in the Valley with Hanukkah soon taking place. This Festival of Lights — eight fun-and-gift-filled nights commemorating the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem at the time of the Maccabean Revolt many centuries ago – takes place from December 8 – 16. So, stop frowning and take a peek at some amusing presents that Hanukkah Harry would be happy to deliver (and receive).

1. Jonathan Adler Utopia Man/Woman Menorah ($295)
Hanukkah is easily recognized around the world by the image of a nine-armed menorah into which a lit candle is placed each evening. Why not make this traditional symbol a bit more hip with a menorah comprised of separate-piece white glazed stoneware displaying a young hipster on one side and an elder on the other? Another option is Adler’s dachshund menorah ($120) Stylistas are always asking WWJD? (What would Jonathan Do?) — and here’s your droll answer.

2. I Can Has Latkes? Shirt ($20.99 & up)
Mix the silliness of internet meme-sensation LOL Cats with the delicious shredded-potato holiday staple and you have a gift even the most ardent-grouch will enjoy. Real life “latke-ing cats” is optional yet highly discouraged.

3. Shmaltz Brewing Co. Holiday gift pack (approx $30)
Hanukkah and beer go together like, well, like Hanukkah and beer. Sometimes a bottle or two of brew makes a frenetic night of dreidel-spinning go a bit easier. Complete with eight award winning He’Brew beers (including Messiah Nut Brown Ale, Genesis Dry-Hopped Ale, and the brand, spanking new Jewbelation Sweet 16), a custom glass and DIY beer menorah kit!

4. Greater Phoenix Jewish Film Festival All-Access Pass ($100)
So your cousin didn’t make it in Hollywood despite his non-speaking background role as Teenager #8 in Twilight? Play to his have-your-agent-call-mine mindset and gift him with an all-access festival pass to the upcoming Greater Phoenix Jewish Film Festival. Who knows, after seeing as many movies as he likes, he just might find the inspiration to take a few more acting classes.

5. Nice Jewish Guys 2013 Calendar ($15.95)
Your single sister will look forward to each new day, especially when there’s a mensch for every month. Who needs well-oiled abs when February’s Jake will do the grocery shopping for you, and May’s Ryan is confident enough to pose cuddling not just one, but two, decidedly anti-macho Chihuahuas?

6. Geltfiend Hannukah Sweaters & Cardigans ($60-$65)
What’s a Jew to do when invited to the annual “ugly sweater” party? Worry no more, now that both men and women can don one of these hand-crafted lovelies bearing Hasidic snowmen, menorahs, and dreidels. With styles such as the Borough Park, Crown Heights and Geltdigger, looking bad has never looked so good!

7. Yummy Pocket Bagel Coin Purse ($11.49)
Need a small gift to keep on hand in case someone swings by mid-candle lighting? Is there someone in your family on a Paleo diet? Ever wonder how awesome it’d be able to walk around with a bagel in your pocket? All these questions can be answered with this zippered pouch that looks like your favorite brunch food.

8. STAR WARS Lego Mezzuzah Decorative Case ($35-$45)
May the force by with anyone who steps foot through the front door of the person receiving this gift. Not meant to be taken apart except to insert a parchment, these fun cases also remind Jewish people that their people did not have any part of the maligned A STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL.