Funniest Dumb and Dumber Quotes

Lloyd and Harry are two lovable and friendly, but very stupid friends, who struggle with every aspect of life. Working as a limo driver, Lloyd drops off the beautiful Mary at the airport and instantly falls in love with her. Watching Mary through a window, Lloyd witnesses her leave her case behind. Grabbing her case, Lloyd is too late, but soon thinks of the next best thing. Dragging Harry with him, Lloyd heads off to Aspen to deliver the case to her personally. However, Mary isn’t the only person after the case, as a pair of criminals are after the same case.

Check out these funny quotes from Dumb and Dumber.

Harry: So you got fired again, eh? Lloyd: Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know? Harry: Yeah, well, I lost my job too. Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense. Harry: No, none taken. You know what really chaps my a** though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred. Lloyd: Hey, chicks love it. It’s a shaggin’ wagon.

[after Lloyd trades the van in for a moped] Harry: Just when I thought you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this… and totally redeem yourself!

Harry: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this. Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver’s full of sh**, man.

Harry: I can’t believe we drove around all day, and there’s not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip! Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.

Lloyd: We got no food, no jobs… our PETS’ HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!

[Harry and Lloyd are spending the evening in a romantic-themed motel] Harry: I don’t know, Lloyd. These places always seem to bring back a lot of bad memories. Lloyd: What’s the matter, Har? Some little filly break your heart? Harry: No, it was a girl.

Lloyd: This isn’t my real job, you know. Mary: No? Lloyd: Nope. My friend Harry and I are saving up to open our own pet store. Mary: That’s nice. Lloyd: I got worms! Mary: I beg your pardon? Lloyd: That’s what we’re gonna call it. I Got Worms!” We’re gonna specialize in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms.

Harry: Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.

Harry: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu. Mary: Really? That’s weird. Harry: Yeah, we called it a bullsh**.

Airport Clerk: Sir, you can’t go in there! Lloyd: It’s ok, I’m a limo driver!

Lloyd: What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me… ending up together? Mary: Well, Lloyd, that’s difficult to say. I mean, we don’t really… Lloyd: Hit me with it! Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances? Mary: Not good. Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred? Mary: I’d say more like one out of a million. [pause] Lloyd: So you’re telling me there’s a chance… *YEAH!*

Lloyd: I’ll bet you twenty bucks I can get you gambling before the end of the day! Harry: No way! Lloyd: I’ll give you three to one odds. Harry: No. Lloyd: Five to one. Harry: No. Lloyd: Ten to one? Harry: You’re on! Lloyd: I’m gonna get ya! Harry: Nuh uh! Lloyd: I don’t know how, but I’m gonna get ya.

Lloyd: Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere? Mary: How’d you guess? Lloyd: I saw your luggage. Then when I noticed the airline ticket, I put 2 and 2 together.

State Trooper: Pullover! Harry: No, it’s a cardigan but thanks for noticing. Lloyd: Yeah, killer boots man!

Funniest Dumb and Dumber Quotes