I like to think I lead a normal life. I have a full-time job, own a house and have a beautiful wife and daughter. I’m a typical middle-class American citizen.
Except for one thing: I’m an addict.
I don’t drink alcohol, do drugs or smoke cigarettes. Some days, I wish I did, because for those things, I could get help. Instead, I’m addicted to something completely legal and more accessible: caffeine.
Now, some of you may be laughing. You may even be saying the same thing my doctor said to me when I confessed my problem to him; “who doesn’t.” But, this is a real problem for me.
I don’t like coffee so I get my daily caffeine fix from something a little more potent; Mountain Dew. On a daily basis, I’ll drink anywhere from 5 to 7 cans. And, on weekends, when I don’t have the distraction of work, I might even drink more. At $4 per 12-pack, that’s roughly $72 a month I spend on something I probably shouldn’t be having but my body craves. Smokers often talk about counting their cigarettes to see if they have enough to get them through the day. I count cans of soda.
In fact, it’s become such a problem; I even take measures to hide the extent from my wife. She knows I drink quite a bit of Mountain Dew and other caffeinated beverages but has no idea just how much because I’ll usually buy it when she’s at work and quickly replace the empty 12 pack with a new one. And, I’m quick to crush my empty cans so she can’t count them. If I’m not able to buy it with cash and have to use our debit card, I’ll combine it with another purchase (like buying it when I fill the car with gas) and conveniently lose the receipt.
The one thing I’m proud to say I haven’t done is steal money from my daughter. Though, I will admit, “borrowing” from her piggy bank has been tempting.
I suppose you’re wondering why I just don’t quit. I can tell you from experience, it’s not that simple.
I first became addicted to caffeine when I was in college. Ironically, while many of my classmates were partying and becoming alcoholics I was actually studying late. As a result, I would wake up for my early classes really tired and eventually realized I could get a quick boost of energy in the morning if I had a can of soda to drink. I started with Pepsi but eventually switched to the Mountain Dew. Well, over time, I ended up needing two cans of soda to wake up in the morning and then three and finally wound up hooked.
Because I was on a tight budget, I eventually made an effort to cut back. That’s when I first started noticing the headaches. Maybe it was physical, maybe it was mental, but those headaches only started when I didn’t have at least a couple cans of soda during the day.
Now, if I had been an alcoholic or drug addict, there would have been plenty of places for me to turn. And, if I had been a smoker, I could get plenty of over the counter help ranging from gum to patches. But, because I was addicted to caffeine, I had to quit cold turkey and with no support.
I did do it though. I found if I sucked on sugar cubes during the day, I could keep my headaches under control and, after a couple of months, I was off the caffeine.
Unfortunately, like most addicts, there’s always the possibility of falling off the wagon again. And, after I was done with school, that’s just what happened to me.
This time, instead of studying late, I was working late. I had a job at a small town paper that had a staff of four people. That meant I was at work from 8 a.m. until almost midnight 6 days per week. And, after time, I needed the caffeine to get me going.
I tried a couple more times to kick my problem and each time I thought I would succeed only to have other obstacles in my way; the birth of my daughter, my wife and I working separate shifts (meaning I have to stay up to see her), etc.
In fact, I’m once again trying to kick my problem. My house is stocked full of sugary drinks ranging from iced tea to lemonade in an effort to give me something to keep my cravings under control. I still need at least 3 cans of soda daily to keep from getting a headache but, after time, that will hopefully drop down to 2 cans, then one can and eventually none.
But, even with my newfound commitment, the path isn’t easy. Today, it’s not even 10:30 in the morning and I’m already on my third can of Mountain Dew. And, it’s going to be a long day if I’m not able to drink any more.
Perhaps, someday, someone will realize this is a real problem and will come up with a way to help addicts like me overcome it. Until then, it’s a problem I’m going to have to live with.
