Are You a Frumpy Wife? Top 5 Signs

I know, I know. You’ve got the kids to raise, the job to keep, the soccer practices to go to, and you’ve been married for years. Beauty isn’t on the forefront of your mind anymore. Actually, that isn’t going to be a problem in this article. If you’re thinking about beauty more than you are the aforementioned aspects of your life, you have other issues that can’t be addressed here. See your therapist for that. The problem that I hope to address in this article is what I see far too often with married women. We let ourselves go due to stress, children, career woes, and more pertinent issues. Sometimes, beauty isn’t a requirement to maintaining our daily lives. I figured this out myself after I got married, went to college, and worked six days a week, all at the same time. I also managed to stop caring about what I wore (as long as it was comfortable and sensible), stop keeping my hair done (I was doing good to wash it every day), and gain around thirty pounds or so. It happens to a lot of us. I, like most women, didn’t care at first. I didn’t care until my husband stopped looking at me the way he used to. I didn’t care until I stopped receiving compliments, and instead starting getting beauty tips from other women. I didn’t care until I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself anymore.

This didn’t happen to me at forty years old. I was very young. I started seeing my first fine lines at nineteen years old. As a matter of fact, they were so deep I’m not even sure you could call them fine lines. It didn’t get any better as the next few years went on. I was too busy trying to learn how to be a wife, go to school, go to work, and so on, to care all that much. When I tipped the scales at 200 pounds, a good forty pounds higher than I was when my husband and I started dating, I finally figured out that something had to be done. I was depressed, unhappy with myself, had a low self esteem, and was, well, fat. I had become a frumpy wife.

The first sign of a hot single woman turned frump queen is not wearing makeup. Ladies, please listen closely here. Makeup has become so natural looking that you don’t even have to worry anymore about looking like you’re trying too hard. I hate to say it, but as we age, we need it more if we want to look professional and polished. In other words, you might have looked great when you first got married with just a little lip gloss and mascara, but chances are that doesn’t do much for you now, even if only a few years have passed. Ask a professional about how you can start wearing makeup again if you haven’t for a while, and especially if you never have. You can’t just jump back on the wagon here. Styles and colors change with makeup just like they do with clothing. Get some professional help for a little uplift so you can keep yourself up daily without assistance, and without looking like a clown.

The second sign that you might be a frumpy wife is not having changed your hairstyle in five years or more. I’m sorry, but the Farrah Fawcett thing went out thirty years ago. Many women make the mistake of thinking that if a hairstyle looked good on them at any one point, it still does. The fact is, however, that time changes the face, the body, and natural hair color. Keeping the same style for too long can age you and make you look outdated. Again, see a professional and ask for a new, healthier looking cut and a bit of color or highlighting. Even if you have gray hair and want to keep it that way, you can ask for color enhancing treatments that will make your strands gleam. If you don’t know where to start, ask yourself what your daily, weekly, monthly and yearly hairstyle routine is. How often do you use a clarifying shampoo? What about volumizing products or color? Who actually does your hair, and do they specialize in women’s styles? If you need a place to start, go out and buy a bottle of shine spray and a great volumizing product. Read the directions and use them for an instant lift, coupled with a youthful, healthy looking shine. Next, get a new cut that is in keeping with today’s styles for your age group, and ask your stylist what you could be doing to make your hair more modern. Don’t be discouraged if you are asked to grow out your feathered bangs or cut a few inches of dead hair off. You’re trying to reverse years of work here, so give it a try.

Haven’t picked up a fashion magazine in a while? If you’ve gone longer than three months without looking through Vogue, Cosmopolitan, or some other authority on fashion, you aren’t in the know any longer, and you are in serious danger of being a frumpy wife. That’s because styles change with every season. If you can’t remember the last time you picked up such a publication, you’re really in trouble. Many married women feel that the styles in popular magazines today just don’t relate to their lifestyles. Well, that’s true for all of us, in most cases, whether we’re inclined to be glamorous or not. The key is learning how to use these magazines to stay up to date, and how to incorporate small changes into your wardrobe and beauty arsenal. This can take a while, so start by simply taking a look at a few mail order catalogs or web sites that sell pieces that are guaranteed to be in style. Try Victoria’s Secret, Ann Taylor, New York and Co., and Cache for a glimpse of what is in style for the modern woman. Pieces from these retailers are affordable, easy to maintain, and usually come in coordinated sets to make the process easier. These stores are a great place to start when you are trying to get back into the swing of things after a few years in sweat pants, jump suits, t-shirts, floral prints, and whatever else you unfortunately decided to put on your body while you were far, far away in frump land.

The fourth sign of being a frumpy wife is not being able to remember the last time you received a hot compliment from a stranger. Sure, your husband says your pretty. He has to live with you. Heck, you may not even be able to remember the last time he gave you a compliment! This is a real problem for so many women. You can be a great wife, a fantastic mom, a killer career woman, and so much more, so why can’t you feel great about the way you look to match? Not receiving a compliment every now and then in the looks department can make us forget to even care. Once you get a real, hormone-driven remark again, though, you’ll quickly remember just how much taking care of yourself really boosts your self esteem (making you even more productive in other areas of your life). Dress to impress, stay up to date, and take care of yourself just as you would if you and your husband were still dating. The compliments will start coming back in on their own.

The fifth and final dead giveaway that you are a frumpy wife is your overall outlook on beauty. If you’re an American woman, I have a little secret for you. European women look down on you for your lack of self-care. That’s right, hardworking American women are often seen as being unwomanly by equally hard working European women who still take the time to be feminine. If you think you don’t have time to look good, or you just don’t care, you are saying that you don’t have time to tend to your mental health, your self esteem, or the impression that you give off to others. How you look determines how you carry yourself. You don’t have to wear stilettos to work (although wearing them on weekend dates with your husband would be nice), but you do need to have a beauty routine and an updated wardrobe. Many women who have been married for a while have fallen into a slump that keeps them from feeling that beauty and self-care are important. If that’s you, take a look in the mirror. Do you look and feel tired? Do you seem a bit older than you really are? Are you dressing to flatter your figure? You probably know the answers right off the bat, and it’s time to start caring.

We work hard. We defy unbelievable odds. We hold our families together. Married women deserve to have a little time each and every day to work on ourselves. If you meet the criteria for a frumpy wife, take heart. You can still be that unbelievable woman while putting on a little makeup and wearing stylish cloths. Believe it or not, it’ll only make you even more powerful.