What is a dysfunctional family? It’s when a healthy functioning family becomes disrupted after stressful circumstances occur. This can be something like a family death, a parent being seriously ill, or anything else that brings grief into a household. Unfortunately, while normal families recover quickly after grief from these problems, dysfunctional families never do and more than anything the child’s needs become greatly compromised.
Usually the blame for a dysfunctional family will fall strictly on the shoulders of the parents. Psychiatrists have broken these parents into four types. The deficient parents, the controlling parents, the alcoholic parents, and the abusive parents. The deficient parents are those parents who put their needs of themselves ahead of their children. The children usually are asked to be the adult and miss out on their childhood because they can’t do what children are suppose to do. Controlling parents are where they make all the decisions for their children and never let them do things that are appropriate for their age. Unfortunately, most of the time the parents are driven by fear of their kids not needing them anymore. The third group of parents are the alcoholic parents. These parents are the ones who have behavior changes left and right. The children never know what to expect and are often left feeling that they are the problem behind their parents behavior. Lastly there is the abusive parents. These types of parents can abuse their kids either verbal, physically, or sexually. While a parent sometimes will justify verbal or physical abuse as punishment, there is no justifying sexual abuse. Sexual abuse can be hugging, kissing, or anything that crosses the line and has to be kept a secret. Sexual abuse is always the parents fault. A child should never have to feel like they are being violated. Most of the time these children that were abused have many trust issues and can never build successful relationships with anyone.
Denial- A common sign that something is wrong. This could be where a family member refuses to acknowledge the alcoholic problems of a parent. It also could be say a mother ignoring the sexual abuse complaints of her young daughter towards her step-father.
Unpredictability- Can’t get use to a normal routine because they never know what emotion that parent is feeling. This usually leaves the child feeling nervous and vulnerable.
Closed Family System- This type of family stays together and doesn’t interact socially with non-family members.
Stiffled Speech- Child is not allowed to go against or question authority.
Lack of Empathy toward family members- Only care about one’s feelings and not someone else’s. This is usually because the person doesn’t know how to handle their own feelings so how can they worry about someone else.
Role Reversals- The parent is incompetent and doesn’t know how to care for their child’s needs so usually the child is left to tend to their own.
Extremes in conflict- This can be when their is either too much fighting or not enough.
Lack of clear boundaries- This can be where family members have no disregard for the personal items of another. It also can be where no one has been taught proper physical limits. (ie brothers fighting and parents just watching and doing nothing)
Roles of a Dysfunctional Family:
Usually in a healthy family, roles are flexible and will change depending on whats going on. In a dysfunctional family, roles are usually defined early on and you stick with them throughout your childhood and sometimes even into adulthood.
The Enabler:
This family member does whatever they can to keep their family together. Doesn’t matter what it is. They never let others suffer the consequences of their mistakes. This person is usually fueled by the fear of being abandoned.
The Hero:
Is usually the oldest and is known to be the perfectionist. They are the ones who feel they have to be perfect in everything from school work to personal relationships. When things start to fail they are the first one to think they have failed.
The Scapegoat:
This person is the one who always acts out of anger to get attention. They accept the family’s blame for their problems. Unfortunately, these acts may include drugs, alcohol, truancy, poor school performance, etc.
The Lost Child:
This family member is the most quiet. Since they don’t like the attention and are often overlooked, most of the time these children feel alone and rejected. They never fully are able to form a bond with anyone.
The Mascot:
Is usually the youngest and their job is simple, to entertain. They are there to be cute and funny and give the family that escape from all their problems. While they may seem fine on the outside, this person is probably feeling helpless and confused on the inside.
If you find yourself in a dysfunctional family please don’t be afraid to tell someone. Don’t let something eat you up inside any longer. Getting your emotions out there is the first step in transitioning to a healthy happy life.
Sources: Roles of Dysfunctional Families:http://www.crtopeka.org/InformationSheets/RolesOfTheDysfunctionalFamily Wikipedia (Dysfunctional Family):http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysfunctional_family
