Addiction is usually an unpleasant topic. People can’t admit when they are addicted to something be it drugs, sex, food, gambling or porn. If they could admit that they have a problem, that would be the first step in overcoming or conquering it. I never really stopped to think about the amount of addiction I’ve been around in my life. Chris was hooked on pain killers, my former neighbor was a tweeker (addicted to methamphetamines), family members were alcoholics (but we never dared called them that) … and the list goes on. As pompous as it may sound, I managed to make it out of these situations without any major emotional scars (or so I thought). I’m one of the lucky ones, most people don’t come away unscathed (again, this is what I thought). Being a long time listener of Loveline, I was interested in reading Dr. Drew Pinsky’s book “Cracked”. I picked it up at the bookstore, put it on the edge of my bed and avoided it for the better part of three months.
For those three months I’d climb in and out of bed, careful to never bump it with my foot or move it out of place when I’d wake up. During those three months I did everything possible to avoid reading it. What was it about this book that terrified me? Would I realize that I wasn’t as ‘together’ as I thought? How could one little book strike fear and terror into me? After reading the book I have a better understanding of addiction and all the components that go into it … in other words, “I got it”. Well, I ‘got it’ … but on a different level than most people. There aren’t many books that I run around telling people that they ‘have to read’, but this is an exception. You may just find yourself in the same situation as me, coming away from it with something entirely different than the intended effect. Dr. Pinsky shows you both sides of addiction and lets you inside his mind for a while. After you read this you’ll wonder why someone would sacrifice so much of his life to helping others … but in due time that answer will come to you. Who better to help the sick than someone that’s been through it on some similar level?
Humpty Dumpty Sat On A Wall …
Anyone that wants a better understanding of addiction and is hoping to get it from this book is going to be disappointed. That is not a slam against Dr. Drew or the book – you can’t sit down, spend a few hours flipping pages and “get it”. Much like the character adaptations that Dr. Drew recants in “Cracked”, some of them get it and some don’t. I think it would be easier to list the things that you won’t ‘get’ from this book rather than the things that you will. You aren’t going to understand the pathos of addiction or what drives someone to prostitute themselves to get drugs, steal, lie or attempt to score. You aren’t going to learn the secret to getting someone to admit that they are an addict. You aren’t going to have the cure presented to you on a golden platter. I’d even go so far as to say that parents, friends and loved ones of addicts aren’t going to get anything from this unless they are willing to admit that they, in some part, have enabled the situation. I’ll use Jane (my former neighbor) as a prime example of this. When I found out that she was doing meth I was ticked off, angry and bitter. That wasn’t doing anything to help her. Wanting to help I stepped in as what Dr. Drew calls “the part of the rescuer”. I’d do the laundry, watch the kids, do some grocery shopping … making it that much easier for Jane to spend her time blazing up.
Like I said, no one wants to admit that they have an addiction. In this society having such a handicap is seen as a negative. You are seen as a person with no self control therefore someone that lacks something that everyone strives for. I saw this first hand when I was younger and grossly overweight; I wasn’t treated the same as the rest of the family, always the last to be introduced to people at parties … the list goes on. When I was sent to a doctor to “lose weight” their only advice to me was to eat less. They never asked me why I had the compulsion to eat, why I would hoard food or if there was some medical issue that needed to be addressed. That, in a nutshell, is what Dr. Drew stresses in this book. Addiction isn’t something that can be handled with a doctors visit and the old school advice of “don’t hang out with junkies, avoid bars and get a different place to live”. Changing the setting doesn’t erase the problem. It might slap a bandage on it but under the bandage there’s an infection … something that isn’t going to just ‘go away’.
The book “Cracked” takes a candid view at some of Dr. Drew’s experiences. Due to patient confidentiality he’s not giving away the entire spectrum of their problems and in most cases I am sure he’s changed some of their circumstances. If you think that the book is just a case by case study of people and their problems you are grossly mistaken. It’s more than that, so very much more. You get to see things from both sides of the fence; the doctor that tries to cope with his own feelings about those he is treating and the patients that come to his unit for help. Sometimes they are there because the court ordered them, other times they realize that they need help. One thing that is a constant is this – addiction isn’t something that can be treated in a few days. When the signs of withdrawal are gone, the patient isn’t cured, but it is a baby step to recovery. It isn’t easy, it isn’t pretty and for most people, it’s one of the hardest things they’ll ever have to go through. Dr. Drew never takes on the role of the “better than thou” doctor; he never places himself on a higher plain then those he is trying to help. If anything he is feeling what they are, desperately trying to hold on to his own sanity while doling out sympathy and sensitivity to all that need it.
One thing that really got to me about the book is the constant compassion that Drew and his staff showed even the most callous and hardened patients. When they snuck outside to buy drugs, all they had to do was admit it and start over (they would get thrown out if they didn’t come clean about it thought). To me this was something that I couldn’t wrap my head around – I’d be ranting and raving up a storm, wanting to play the part of an over protective parent that caught their child smoking – hoping that the lecture would be the cure. Alexi is the person that is most often talked about in the book; she is the backbone of Drew’s medical crew and the person that remains mostly neutral in all circumstances.
It’s interesting to see how the different patients take their toll on Dr. Drew. From Matty to Amber, they are all unique ‘people’ but at the same time, they could be someone that you know. Someone that desperately needs help but someone that you can’t help until they admit that there is a problem and that something has a hold on them. If I came away from the book with anything it’s this – you can’t save everyone. Even those who have the greatest desire to “get better” can’t make that leap to recovery. That doesn’t mean that you give up on them but it’s a give and take situation; they have to be willing to admit that they aren’t in control before they can start to work on the bigger picture.
When I finally worked up the courage to read the book I went into it with a brick wall around me. I didn’t know what I was going to read, what Dr. Drew was going to include in the book so I threw up “the wall” to try and keep out the bad memories. By time I hit the last page I felt drained, lifeless and depressed. Thoughts of Chris shooting up in the bathroom, images of my aunt falling down drunk, neighbor smoking meth … they were all too much for me to deal with at one time. I guess forcing myself to read this book made me address a lot of chapters in my life that I chose to ignore, trying to sweep them under the rug in an attempt to have closure. Remember when I said that reading this book might be hard for those who are close to addicts?
As much as I stand behind that statement, I do have to say this … it can help you, as an outsider to the addiction, to learn to not enable them. Be tough when you have to but don’t try to hinder their recovery. That was something that I never realized. People who are in relationships with addicts rarely see the depth of it until things blow up and spiral out of control. They want their partner, wife, sister, father .. who ever is addicted, they want them back. Sometimes they are willing to settle for someone that is merely in ‘control’ – meaning not in withdrawals or completely strung out. Recovery isn’t something that happens in a week or a month … if you think that is the length of time it takes, you are just as much in the loop of addiction as the person that’s being treated.
The Bottom Line
After I read the book I was drained and felt like absolute crap. I had things I needed to deal with an ultimately ended up curled in a ball under the covers of my bed, desperately wanting to be void of feeling anything. My catharsis came in the form of tears. But hey, a good healthy cry is sometimes the best medicine for what ails you. Some people might have a hard time reading this from cover to cover; most of the time when I come across a book that I am really into I read it without stopping but this one was different. As soon as I would start to feel overwhelmed I’d shove the bookmark in it, close it and try to do something else until my emotions were in check. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with an addict you are going to know some of the things that are going to come up in the book; denial, remorse, enabling, wanting to help but not knowing what’s right or wrong. If you have never known an addict then chances are this book isn’t going to be something that is going to affect you. Sure you can read it to try and get an understanding of the magnitude of what an addiction is and how it can grip someone – but you won’t have that emotional connection.
I won’t say that this was the hardest book that I ever read but it was one that really made me stop and think about my life. As cheesy as it may sound, it helped me let go of the proverbial skeletons in my closet. I’m sure Dr. Drew wrote the book to try and help people understand a side of addiction … but what I got from it was something above and beyond that. Some might view it as letting go of ghosts, others as forgiving myself for being an enabler. For me, my own worst critic, it forced me to admit that there are things I am powerless over. Not drugs, not an addiction, not something obsessive … but worrying that there was something that I could have done to change a situation. In a lot of ways I am like Dr. Drew, always wanting to save people from themselves and their destructive ways. But one of the biggest lessons I learned is that you can’t help them until they admit that they have a problem and that they want to get help. So Dr. Drew … add another mark on your wall of people that you’ve helped.
