Fit Fun Fabulously Funky Father Fearlessly Faces Forty! (how’s that for an alliteration?) (bonus if you can say it five times fast)
Forty = Fun
I have been so excited about turning 40 years old this year. For some people turning 40 is something to dread, me I welcome it with arms extended with a cake knife in one hand and a fork in the other. Even though I am turning 40, I still don’t feel like a grown up yet. For the life of me I can’t remember what my dad was like at forty as in all of my memories he looks old. They say the older you get the wiser you become, I not sure about that one yet; however now that my eyebrows have grown back in I am wiser to the fact that I should opt for the numeral candles on the cake, instead of one candle for every year.
It is one of our family traditions to give gifts on our birthdays, so today I thought I would share some info about the mysterious mmog37. Nothing as deep and revealing as my interview with Donald Pennington, just some fun facts that you may or may not know about yours truly. No important lessons to learn, but at the very least I hope that I can make you crack a smile, and if that happens it will be the perfect birthday gift for me.
So Here We Go 40 Random (but true) Facts about mmog37:
40. Technically mmog37 should be mmog40. (Bonus points if you can figure out the name.)
39. I tried to buy a video game to celebrate birthday 39, and the clerk wouldn’t give it to me until I produced my id, my wife stood there laughing at me.
38. As an 9 year old kid I overheard older kids talking about buying “grass” to smoke. My intelligent brothers and I thought those kids were stupid, why by
“grass” when you can get it free from your own yard.
37. I used to adamantly swear that I would never get married.
35. After the conversation in #38, my brothers and I went and picked some of our “grass” from the back yard.
34. When going through toll booths I usually pay for the person behind me also.
33. Instead of getting mad at telemarketers, I play with them on the phone until they get mad at me and hang up.
32. After #38 and #35, my brothers and I decided to roll a fat one, by fat I mean a sheet of newspaper filled with “grass” rolled up in true Bugs Bunny style.
It took two hands to hold it.
31. I have been an entrepreneur for most of my life, and had a thriving landscaping business before I was a teenager.
30. I used to take the middle out of my Oreo cookies and stick them to the basement ceiling and go back and eat them later.
29. After #38,#35, and #32, my brothers and I decided to light the “fat one” and smoke it.
28. I used to have perfect vision, now I know why you aren’t supposed to look directly at the solar eclipse.
27. On a dare from my teenage nephew, I jumped off of the retaining wall at Ocean Beach(near the Cliff House) in San Francisco, (I was 33)
26. After #29 the carbon monoxide from the “fat one” nearly killed us…prompting the vow to never ever do drugs again!
25. My habit from #30 was broken when I mistakenly grabbed a round piece of spackle/plaster from the basement ceiling and ate it.
24. After #27 I couldn’t walk for 2 days, but it was worth the eternal bragging rights, as my nephew chickened out and didn’t jump
23. After #27 a radical skateboarder who saw me jump, thought it was the coolest thing and decided to do it himself.
22. As I am typing this I am irritating a telemarketer who wants me to attend a meeting about a time share in the Ozarks.
21. I was once run over and left for dead, days later when asked If I could describe my attacker in a line up, I said yes…if you plan on showing me the bottom of
their cars.
20. I used to be an extremely picky eater, much to my wifes annoyance, until I spent several months with my mouth wired shout.
19. While helping my dad cut down a tree, he accidentally cut me with the chainsaw.
18. After spending a year living in Korea, upon returning back to the United States I kissed the ground and breathed in the lovely smell of smog at LAX.
17. When stuck in stand still traffic jams in S.F my wife and I would play with our bubble guns and entertain the other driver’s.
16. My driver’s would smile and play along in response to #17, but there would always be at least one angry jerk giving us the finger.
15. At age 12, my oldest daughter, and her friends were having fun laughing at some poor idiot whose car had run off the road.
14. My oldest no longer thought #15 was funny when she came home and discovered that I was the idiot who ran off the road.
13. People sometimes think that I make up the stuff that happens to me.
12. I’m like the Ghetto Forrest Gump.
11. In 3rd grade I used to tap the chalk erasers on the bottom of my shoe and then step on my teachers chair, which would leave a footprint on his butt.
10. After performing #11, I would tell the other kids at recess that I kicked the teacher’s butt, they would not believe me, until they saw the footprint on his butt.
09. My favorite movie is “They Live” with Roddy Piper.
08. After #27, #23 was still doing the same thing when I left the beach several hours later.
07. I sometimes engage in random acts of kindness.
06. At age 9 I used to irritate my dad by taking the morning paper and reading the stocks.
05. My dad try to each me to drive when I was a teen, little did he know I used to drive his car around while he was sleeping.
04. Upset that I would be reading the stocks, my dad would tell me to stop pretending, I would make him madder by explaining what I was reading to him.
03. After #5, upset that I appeared to know how to drive (probably my one handed gangsta lean gave me away), my dad insisted that I put both hands on the wheel and take all driving commands from him.
02. Complying with the order from #03, I promptly sideswiped another car by driving down a way too narrow street at my dad’s command.
01. I once managed to get stuck in an church elevator. It went down to the basement , but would not go back up. Looking for an exit door I ran up and down the
basement hallway trying every door, with no success. Giving up I boarded the elevator again, said a prayer and then pushed the button. To my surprise
the elevator began to rise. Surprise turned to shock when the elevator door opened to reveal a crowd of policeman with guns drawn.
So there you have it, for whatever it is worth 40 random (but true) facts about yours truly.
What? Oh you are wondering about #01 right….okay I’ll tell you. It turns out that the Church building I was in kept their safe on the basement floor. I was unaware that the elevator could take you down to the basement, but you needed a key to get back up. Each of the doors in the basement were connected to a silent alarm system. By running up and down the hall trying the doors, the police thought that a group of thieves were robbing the place.
