Although many weddings in Thailand are becoming more modern, most Thai Buddhists still either marry in a traditional Thai wedding or in a wedding that is a mixture of traditional and modern. In Bangkok, where the modern is becoming the norm, some wedding traditions will be followed but some won’t. In the countryside (or, up country as the Thais call it), most Thai weddings will still be traditional affairs.
In a traditional Thai wedding, the friends and relatives of the groom meet at the groom’s house and then make a long procession through town to the bride’s house, dancing and playing music. When they arrive at the bride’s house, they are expected to give a gift of money and then they are allowed admittance.
In many Thai weddings, the Tong Mun or engagement party will be held on the morning of the wedding. Unlike in Western cultures where engagements can be for several years, here in Thailand many people get engaged on the same day they get married. Tong Mun is actually the name of the ceremony where the man gives a gift of gold to his fiancée. In Thailand, gold is valued above money, and all Thais wear gold jewelry. In a traditional Thai wedding, the man is supposed to give the woman a gold necklace, gold ring and gold bracelet. The gold is measured in ‘baht’, the Thai way to measure gold – a baht being around 15 grams of gold.
There is also a dowry often given in Thai marriages. This is given in a ceremony called the Sinsot Tong Mun. The man will give the woman’s family a dowry that is supposed to compensate them for losing a daughter. It can be anything from 20,000 baht (currently about $620) to millions of baht. The Thai superstar singer, Tata Young, recently got engaged to her long-time boyfriend and the dowry he gave was 100 million baht (around US$300,000). Much of this type of dowry though is given back to the groom’s family as it’s just for show.
The wedding ceremony itself is performed in the morning by a group of monks who chant for many minutes, while the bride and groom kneel before them. The wedding ceremony always has to be in the morning because monks are not allowed to eat after noon. As food is served to the monks in thanks for their performing the ceremony, the ceremony itself must be finished well before noon so the monks have time to eat.
The monks perform the ceremony then the bride and groom are anointed with powder and each end of a long line of string is tied to each of them so they are now joined as man and wife. Then the parents of the bride and groom pour rose-scented water over the hands of the couple, followed by every guest at the wedding. This blesses the bride and groom and wishes them good luck for the future.
In traditional times, it used to be that Thai weddings were held at the home of the bride. Nowadays though, many Thai weddings are held in restaurants or hotels. After the wedding ceremony, the guests will be served an amazing meal – course after course of delicious Thai food – while the couple is expected to walk around and greet their guests. I found this a little odd at the wedding I attended, as I’m used to Western weddings where the married couple is allowed to eat with their guests.
During the meal, the couple will often get up on stage and tell the story of how they met. The audience is allowed to ask them questions or request a song, and the bride and groom have to comply. At the wedding I attended, the stage presentation dissolved into much hilarity, especially when the groom said he liked his new bride when he met her because she had pretty hair. She responded, she thought he was lazy when she first met him then, after she got to know him, realized it was because he’d just eaten lunch and was tired.
As far as dress, in a traditional Thai wedding, the bride wears the silk wrap-around long skirt and silk sleeveless bodice with a wide silk sash draped over one shoulder. The groom wears traditional silk pants and a silk jacket. The color the couple chooses is not usually white like in Western weddings. It can be anything from pink, red or blue to even silver or gold. In a lot of Bangkok weddings now though, the bride and groom wear traditional Thai clothes for the wedding ceremony and then change into a Western-style white dress for her and a tuxedo for him for the after-ceremony feast.
If I was to compare Thai weddings to Western weddings, I would have to say I prefer Thai weddings overall. In a Thai wedding, because Thais are so devotedly Buddhist, the religious part of the ceremony holds great meaning for them. In the many Western weddings I’ve been to, the religious ceremony really didn’t have that much meaning for some of the brides and grooms as they just weren’t religious themselves. In Thailand, the weddings are also much more simplistic. In cases where the wedding is at the home of the bride, the wedding feast has been prepared by her mother, relatives and friends. This to me has so much more meaning and feeling behind it than a meal that was prepared in the kitchen of a hotel.
Thai weddings are wonderful affairs, made up of much love, respect, tradition and faith. If you ever get invited to one, make sure you go. It’s a wonderful experience, and one I hope to be able to repeat for many years to come.
