If you’re at all like me, then working nine to five and wasting your life away is not one of your top priorities. Sure, you can sit around watching porn all day, or spend it wandering around town monkey-wrenching the system, but sooner or later you’re going to need some cash. It’s unavoidable! Food, clothing, transportation… everything is run on money, and until we change that, you’re going to need some green. Stealing what you need is one solution, but that only gets you so much. So, being the generous bastard that I am, I’ve decided to share some of my money making secrets with you. But you have to remember, none of these ideas are flawless or legal… I just had to let you know.
1) THE CHARITY SCAM.
This one is pretty easy to get away with. All you need is some nice clothing ( a suit, button up shirt & khakis. If you don’t have any, your local thrift shop will for cheap..or you can just wear it out of the store), some believable accessories (pamphlets, sign, table, lock box,.. it all depends on how you do the scam), and the right attitude.
You can either set up outside a business or school, or free roam around neighborhoods. If you want to be stationary, you first have to make a sign to show what your “charity” is for. You can use anything from a church in need, to feeding the poor (that’s my favorite, because its partly true). Make your sign big and bright. Poster-board works well. Once you have your sign and are dressed to impress, grab something to put your collected money in (a lock box works well). Go out and set up a small table, or large box, at a very busy location. Place your sign in front of your set up. Put your box on the table with a few of your own dollars in it, to give the impression that others have already donated. As people walk by, hit them up for money! Tell them about your charity and how every little bit helps. Do this for a little while and see how much you can get. Personally, I wouldn’t recommend doing this scam in this way, only because your more like to get caught.
The other way to do this one is to free roam around neighborhoods. Same idea as the first one, but you go house to house. If your charity is for a church, bring a bible with you. If its for the poor, make a fake pamphlet. Make it seem as real as possible. This is my preferred method. Less chance of getting caught. If someone says no, just move on to the next house. With the stationary method, store owners, or home owners are more likely to call the cops cause you’re begging on “their” property. This way, if someone calls the cops, you have a better chance of getting away. But, always remember, if you do happen to get picked up, you didn’t hear this from me.
2) THE MACHINE ATE MY DOLLAR
Walk into any store with vending machines and casually walk over to it, pulling out a “dollar” from your pocket (most are located in back areas, or in a remotely empty area so you can just pretend to pull something out, because no one’s really paying attention, anyhow.). Put your “dollar” in (or use pennies and muffle the sound of the falling back out with your leg) and push some buttons. Act like it ate your dollar. Get all pissed! Hit it, shake it, swear at it. After a few minuets of this, storm over to the customer service, or to someone who is in a management position, and complain about how the machine ate your dollar and how you want a refund cause it was your last dollar. If you make a big enough stink about it they will usually give you a dollar, or open the machine so you can get what you want. Try this at as many different locations as you want and see how much you make. But remember to keep an eye out for cameras. Turn your back to them so they can’t see your hands or the “dollar”. If they can’t see you really don’t have one, then you really DO have one.
This one is great to do when you need a pack of smokes, are thirsty, or are hungry. Get your crew to split up and do it all over town and then pool the money together. See how much you can collect and go have a blast!!!
3) NEWSPAPER BOX HIJACKING
Find a friend, a truck, van, or any other kind of vehicle big enough to carry a newspaper box, chain cutters, and some sledge hammers. Scope out the boxes you want to hijack during the day. Try to find ones that are used, but are also secluded. Then, at night, with your friend, go out in your vehicle with your equipment and hijack your marked boxes. Casually pull up to the box, get out and cut the chain holding the box down (if there is a chain, I have come to find some don’t have them), and then, as quickly as you can, have your friend get it into your escape pod and zoom off. If your vehicle is big enough you can do this a few time before having to go back to base to unload. Once you’re back in safe territory break that sucker open and enjoy the change that falls out.
4) DROP BOX ROBBERY
DO NOT DO THIS if you don’t have too… Reserve this idea for a last resort. If you’re homeless, dying, starving, and have no other options (unless you want to go to jail.. you never know). This one is highly dangerous. I shouldn’t even tell you this…wait…yes i should! So here’s what you do: Get some big sponges (you know the kind you wash a car with. You can usually get these pretty cheap, or free…if ya know what i mean, from a dollar store or surplus store), a full face mask, and some dark clothing. Now, this is the hard part and may take a few days, but the money is worth it. Find a bank with one of those outside drop-boxes. The kind that business use for late night deposits. Find a good place where you can watch the box, but not be seen. Late at night, hang out in this spot, making note of everyone that makes drops, the time and company, (if able). Do this everyday for, lets say, a week, watching out for specific people who come at the same time every time. Pick one of these people as your mark. The next day,15 or so minuets before your mark shows, get dressed, and go and shove the sponges into the bottom of the drop box, making sure that they are not noticeable to anyone dropping something off. Go back to your hiding spot and wait. When your mark comes and goes, go collect your reward and get out of there!!! If you did it right, the sponges will have stopped the money bag before it falls into the bank, so just reach in and grab it. After you do this one, you might wanna lay low for a little while. Find a good friend, or a trust worthy relative and stay with them. Make sure to never talk about what you did, because you never know who’s a narc.
Now that I’ve filled your head with some knowledge, go out and spread it, because knowledge is power!
