Karla News

Sincere, Honest or Both? to Be or Not to Be?

Edward Albee

Sincerity can be compared to honesty. However, are they one and the same? George Henry Lewes wrote in his book The Principles of Success in Literature, “Insincerity is always weakness; sincerity even in error is strength.” Christopher Meloni said, “I never find sincerity offensive… so, be sincere.” However, Edward Albee was quoted in a 1962 edition of the Wagner Literary Magazine stating, “Sincerity doesn’t mean anything. A person can be sincere and be more destructive than a person who is insincere.” I always believed that sincerity and honesty were mostly the same. After much research I was surprised with my findings.

Sincerity is the virtue of one who speaks and acts truly about his or her own feelings, thoughts and desires. Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and denotes positive, virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness along with the absence of lying, cheating, or theft. Sincerity refers to your intentions and honesty refers to your performance or actions. When asked by your boss if you like your job, you may be very sincere when you tell him that you love your job and want to help the company grow and prosper. However, you honestly wouldn’t think twice about switching to another firm if you were offered the same type of job for more pay. Therefore, you may have been sincere in your thinking and feelings but you weren’t honest with him regarding what your actions could be. We may always aim to be honest but there are times that we all fall short. When you ask your son if he dropped off the movie at the store and he tells you he did when he really didn’t, would you say he was being dishonest or insincere? He is being dishonest. He did not do the action of dropping off the movie. When you tell your friend that you think she would look awesome in the red dress you saw in a store window last week, are you being honest or sincere? You are being sincere. You did think or believe that she would look great. However, what if she tries the dress on and looks awful in it? Would you tell her the truth? In other words, would you be honest? The fact is you truly or sincerely believed she would look good in the dress but truthfully or honestly she looks awful. Being sincere most of the time can be easily achieved but being honest is a lot more difficult.

See also  The Scales: Edward Albee's "A Delicate Balance"

So, when is it acceptable to be insincere or dishonest? I believe that most people try to be sincere but even sincerity can be hard for some. When your child gets caught doing something he shouldn’t be doing is he sincere when he promises that he will never do it again? Of course he is sincere as he has every intention of not doing it again. It doesn’t mean he won’t do it again though. We have all found ourselves in a situation where you really have to consider the pros and cons of our answers especially when we want to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. I am being sincere when I tell my friend that I hope she does well in her test. Yet, if she asks me whether I think she will pass the test and I tell her yes but think that she doesn’t have a chance of passing as she hasn’t studied at all for it, then I would be dishonest. I could be honest and tell her that I don’t think she has a chance of passing but would I crush her dream just because I feel that she is incapable of attaining that goal? Of course not! What kind of friend would I be? Who am I to burst her bubble? Does she deserve honesty and sincerity? Of course she does! But, at what price? Instead of hurting her feelings I may be dishonest to her but I am very sincere about not wanting to hurt her feelings.

When is sincerity insincere? This was a question that required more investigation. Someone may believe they are being sincere when they are really not. For example, is the Olympic athlete really being sincere when she turns to a fellow athlete and wishes them the best of luck? Is Ms. America really being sincere when she states that she would give her money to charity should she win the title? Is the President being sincere when he states that he plans on bringing peace to the Middle East and balancing the budget? The athlete may wish her competitor the best but she truly hopes that he/she doesn’t win. Ms. America plans on donating some money to a charity but already knows that most of it is going to be spent on going back to college. The President may truly want to balance the budget and bring peace to the Middle East but knows deep down that the chances of that ever happening are very slim. Of course they are all trying to be sincere or believe they are being sincere. My best guess would be that their heart is in the right place but their sincerity has been misplaced. Maybe they are not even being honest with themselves.

See also  Freedom Defined Over Hundreds of Years

Although I try to be sincere at all times I used to have the hardest time when being introduced to someone that I really didn’t care for. When they shook my hand and told me how nice it was to meet me I would respond with the same as that was what was expected. I soon realized that I wasn’t being sincere and couldn’t bring myself to echo their feelings anymore. I started replying with a simple hello, instead of it’s nice to meet you too. There was actually one time when I responded with the pleasure is all yours . (I really, really didn’t like that person though.) I know I am being sincere when I say that I love my children, my husband, my dogs, my mother, and my friends. I am being honest when I admit that I don’t always like them. I believe there is nothing more worse than catching someone being insincere or dishonest. When someone has been insincere and/or dishonest towards you it can seem almost impossible to ever trust that person to be sincere/honest with you again. Not trusting someone’s ability to be honest is bad enough but not knowing if they are even being sincere is worse. It can be incredibly painful and debilitating not knowing whether they are being honest about their actions never mind sincere about their feelings. Trust can be a very difficult ability to get back. Once you destroy someone’s trust you may never be able to get it back. All one can do in this situation is see if their actions speak louder than their words. Will they stick to their promises? Will they be sincere and honest with you in the future? Time can only tell. At the end of the day I think Christopher Phillips, the co-founder of The Society for Philosophical Inquiry says it best in his book ‘Socrates Cafe, “I would replace the quality of sincerity with honesty, since one can hold a conviction sincerely without examining it, while honesty would require that one subjects one’s convictions to frequent scrutiny.” In other words, sincerity may be nice but honesty is much more important. Therefore guys, the next time your wife asks if she looks too fat in her new dress, think very carefully before answering. Sincere, honest, or both? To be or not to be?