When I was a kid and Splish Splash first opened up in 1989 I was more than thrilled. My family packed a few necessities for the day and made our way into Calverton to get into the water park. Mind you I was about 7 when it opened, and when we arrived I can say even as a kid I was disappointed. The lines were long, and the rules were strictly enforced. This meant if you were in the lazy river, you better keep your butt in that inner tube. So while you floated around with the sun pouring on your head you could barely get wet to cool off. If you jumped off of the tube, you had every lifeguard jumping into the water, blowing whistles and yelling. So here in the water park, was all this fabulous water, yet I couldn’t go in it. Yay! Fun!
I figured as years passed the water park would improve, and it did. Over time the park added more slides, more attractions, and supposedly more fun activities. I went with my sister and her kids figuring we would lay out by the lazy river and the kids would happily go about doing what they do best…have fun.
Admission was $33.99, a bit steep for adults to pay seeing how most attractions are designed for kids, and most adults go just for the kids. There are discounted prices for seniors and handicap, and also discounts if you enter 3 hours before they close. There is also a discount on tickets if you purchase them online. (15%).
In the park I was greeted with the same crap I had remembered as a kid, only with a few new slides, pools, and water drops. All of these new attractions though looked too dangerous for an adult to be on. I remember scrapping my knees up as I flung down one water slide into a pool too shallow for me, and I was 7. It should have easily accommodated my small body size at the time, yet I still walked away with a scrapped knee.
The first thing I wanted to test though was the lazy river. I had remembered getting yelled at by lifeguards for dipping out of my tube to cool off, and this time in my adult years if one punk arse little teenager tried telling me to hop back on my tube there would be problems. In the lazy river I was given a ridiculously large tube, and I slowly drifted along the river with my sister until I grew hot. I then sunk into the water, and looked around. Oh the lifeguards saw me, but they didn’t dare blow a whistle. I guess they enforce rules deeper for young kids, which is a good thing if I think about it now. Okay, so test one complete… test 2 was to see whether or not they had improved the depth of the pool on the cliff diver ride where I had scrapped a knee when I was a kid.
After waiting on line for a hot half hour, I was up and ready to plummet down the 8 story high slide. I must say that I had a knot tied in my stomach as I looked down, and I knew that my bathing suit bottom would wedgie so far into my behind that it would make my butt bleed. I flew down the slide, and hit the bottom almost instantaneously. My butt hit the bottom rock hard and yep, it hurt, and yep the bathing suit had traveled far up into my colon.
I could easily see how kids could scrape knees like I once had done, or worse get a bloody butt crack. The water depth was still too low, and did not provide a cushion to the crash.
The surf city wave pool was also pathetic. This must of been an attraction added years on, because it was not present when I first went years ago. This pool is occupied mostly by children, and the reason is that the water depth is no higher than 3 feet. The waves were equal to the bays waves on a calm day. Nothing exciting or thrilling about it.
Most of the rides and attractions here, like I have said earlier are designed for kids, but even still are not 100% safe. Scrapped knees come easy while flying down these crusty slides. What pisses me off most about Splish Splash is the fact that there is not a single frigging pool in the place. I’m an adult, these slides are somewhat fun, but when I pay $33.99 plus tax to enter an all out kiddie park I expect some down time for myself. A large pool would have really been nice. I like getting wet when I go to a water park, not just splashed. A giant pool with a few slides, and diving boards was all I wanted. However the pools that are present are destined for your landing from a slide, and after that you must immediately swim out of them and go wait on line again. Yippie!
If any of you dopey Splish Splash designers are reading this, hear my plea… for a friggin pool. A deep one! Not some small 3 foot pathetic pond where I have to swim out of it in 4 seconds or some kid will come landing on my head if I’m not out quick enough.
Besides a spew of puddles, and unsafe slides Splish Splash also has souvenir shops, food shops, and resting spots. For a cute map visit http://www.splishsplashlongisland.com/attractions/. I know everything looks neat in the map, but to be honest it’s not.
Now besides my moaning, I figured I would mention that my niece and nephew also had a suck-o-licious time. My younger niece was too small to go on any of the bigger rides, so she had no choice but to ride on kiddie rides, that were too kiddie for her. She’s a short 5 year old, not a toddler, and most of the lame kiddie rides are designed with itty toddlers in mind, not 5-6 year old shorties. So her age group is subjected to running around in Pirates Cove splashing other kids in the face with a stream of pumped water that shoots from cannons. These cannons however result in someone getting a squirt to the eye with highly chlorinated water. The result is screaming, and sometimes even a physical fight between the two children. Fun times! Bah!
It is understandable that she is too small to go on the big kid rides, but honestly the park needs to consider this age group a bit more than they do.
My nephew complained about the lines, and within just a few hours we were packing up and leaving. A nice hot day ruined. We should ave just went to the beach with some squirt guns. We could of had more fun.
I have no clue as to why the Travel Channel would vote Splish Splash the worlds greatest water park, there was nothing great about it. Long lines, low end wading pools, and a dirty park was all I was greeted with. Bah!
For more information visit www.splishsplash.com.
Splish Splash Water Park
2549 Splish Splash Drive
Calverton, NY 11933
If you insist on going, bring sun block!
