Can’t stand your stepdaughter? Are your stepchildren making your life miserable? Does you stepson’s behavior drive you crazy? Do you dread the times that your stepchildren come to visit, and count the days until they leave? Are you unhappy with the way your step kids treat you? If so, here are some tips for you.
If you have a constant negative attitude towards any type of situation, it will just make matters worse. One tip for dealing with difficult step children is to have a possible attitude. Learn to be content, no matter what the situation. Try to be optimistic and think good thoughts about your stepchildren. Do your best to have a positive mindset about your stepchildren.
Advice for Step Moms Tip #2: Put yourself second.
Do you get annoyed that your step children inconvenience you for whatever reason? Don’t be. These children’s lives should come first. They are more important than your needs, wants, and desires. This is not to say that the children should have complete control of the family, but rather that their needs are first. Do you best to not be selfish.
Advice for Step Moms Tip #3: Remember they are children.
Your step children are just that – children. They should be allowed to be children, and have bad days. There will be times when they’re cranky, whiny and downright difficult. All children have bad moments. Children who have been through challenging family situations (such as a divorce) are more likely to have behavioral issues.
Advice for Step Moms Tip #4: Forgive and forget.
This coordinates with tip #3. All children and teens deserve forgiveness for any mistakes they have made. Don’t hold grudges against your stepdaughter or stepson. Forget horrible things they made have done and said years ago. Remember that they are children and aren’t perfect. Don’t be bitter towards their behavior.
Advice for Step Moms Tip #5: Provide unconditional love to your step children.
No matter how the children behave towards you, shower them with unconditional love. Tell them often that you love them, and care deeply for them. You are to be a mentor to you step children and love them under all circumstances. Advice for Step Moms Tip #6: Remember you are not their mom.
You are not their mother, and while you will fulfill some motherly duties, you cannot take the place of their mom. Do not ever try to take the place of their mother, no matter how little she is involved in their lives. Advice for Step Moms Tip #7: Never, ever badmouth their mother in front of them.
Never, ever say anything negative about their mother. Do not talk badly about their mother, or anyone in the family. Even if they say something bad about their mother, don’t agree with them. (Truthfully, it’s best to never badmouth her ever to anyone, not just your step children.).
Advice for Step Moms Tip #8: Do not gossip about or badmouth them behind their back.
There is no reason why other people need to know about your step children’s behavior. Do not speak negatively about them to others. Nothing good can come out of gossip and badmouthing your children.
Obviously, to your husband (your step children’s father), you will need to share behavioral problems and concerns. But, be careful with how you phrase it and never say something you wouldn’t want your mom saying about you.
There is no reason why your sister-in-law, coworker, and yoga partner need to know about the negative behavior of your stepchildren. And, never, ever, tell someone “I can’t stand my stepchildren!” For more on this issue, please read “Is it Gossip: 7 Ways to Tell.”
Advice for Step Moms Tip #9: Seek professional counseling.
In many situations, it can be beneficial to have a third party’s opinion on your situation. He/she will help you find solutions, deal with problems in the family, help you deal with your own feelings and more. Try to find a professional counselor who will work with you and your husband. If you cannot afford a counselor, many churches do offer counseling for free or a low cost. You might also try calling 211 for referrals for free or low cost counseling. Please read “How to Get Social Service Help By Calling 211” for more information.
Advice for Step Moms Tip #10:Never blame problems in your marriage on your step children.
It takes two to make a marriage work. Problems in your marriage are only caused by you and your spouse, and how the two of you deal with situations. You should never be blame marriage on your stepchildren, ever. For that matter, do not blame your unhappiness on your stepchildren’s behavior as well.
Advice for Step Moms Tip #11:Attend all school functions and activities.
Make it a point to be there for their sports games, band concerts, school performances and other activities. Even if you husband cannot go due to a job, make it a point to go to support your stepchildren. Be their best cheerleader.
Never refuse to attend because the ex-wife will be there, no matter how bad her behavior is. Dr. Laura Schlessinger once said that refusing to go to someone’s event because someone else will be there, means that they hate that person more than they love you. I believe she’s right.
Advice for Step Moms Tip #12:When possible, have one-on-one time with your step children.
When time allows for it (sometimes you need to make the time), have one-on-one time with you stepchildren. This is time that it usually outside of the home. For ideas, please read “Parenting Advice: Plan One-On-One Activity Dates With Your Children.
It can be very beneficial to read books on step parenting and learn from the advice of others. Check out “Christian Step Parenting Books” for some recommendations. These books can help you deal with some of the common issues that step families face.
Advice for Step Moms Tip #14:Never ask your step children to call you “Mom.”
The kids should be allowed to call you whatever they feel comfortable with. (Well obviously, there’s some limits there.) Do not ask them to call you mom. If they want to call you “mom”, but their biological mother doesn’t like the idea, respect the biological mom’s wishes.
Advice for Step Moms Tip #15:Don’t expect the kids to like you.
It’s quite possible that the kids will never like you, nor want to like you in the future. Be respectful to them. Their dislike for you is not a reason to treat them poorly. Remember you are the adult, and you should act like one.
These are just five tips for step-parents. A step mother serves many roles in the step children’s lives. You are a mentor, a teacher, a role model, a compassion giver and a disciplinarian to your step children. Take it one day at a time and remember, each day is a new day.
