Karla News

How to Cancel Your Gym Membership

Lifetime Fitness

Anyone who has tried to cancel their health club membership knows how difficult it can be to fight off the gym rep who’s desperate to keep your business. They want your business. They’re dying to keep your business. They will do anything they can to keep withdrawing that monthly fee from your checking account – it does not matter if you exercise regularly or sit home watching The View eating cheese balls. The only thing these corporate gym guys care about is your money!

First, they’ll act real cool as if you have been buddies your whole life, even though you’ve never seen this guy before. His face is chiseled, his voice is deep and the look in his eyes in intense, as if he can’t wait for his next dose of Muscle Milk. The first question he’ll ask is, “Why do you want to cancel?” and he will have an answer ready for any reason you give. If you say you can no longer afford it he will offer to put you on a special budget membership. If you say you’re moving away he’ll ask where you’re headed and mention their nearest location, even if it’s 50 miles from your new home. If you say you’re unhappy with their facilities he’ll grill you on specifics and offer a counter-punch to everything you don’t like about his health club.

When I tried to cancel my membership at Lifetime Fitness because their monthly fee was too high ($70 a month) they offered to put me on their “flex” plan. For only $10 a month I can keep my membership for as long as I want! “What’s the catch?” I asked. No catch, they insisted. $10 a month. I asked them to clarify, “you mean instead of paying $70 a month, I can only pay $10?” They went on to explain that I was correct, I only needed to pay $10 a month but I would no longer have access to their facilities.

See also  How to Decipher Army Lingo

Confused? Apparently the $10 keeps you in their database and keeps your membership alive so you won’t have to pay the $100 enrollment fee when you decide to come back. Because everyone eventually decides to come back. That’s right – $10 a month to sit in a database. You won’t have to cancel your gym membership but you also won’t access to the damn club!

I thanked them for the generous offer but politely refused and asked them to cancel the membership completely. They told me it would take another 30 days to take effect, which meant I would be billed once more, and I had to come into the gym and do it in person.

Hit reset and get ready to talk to the salesman all over again.

Bally’s doesn’t tell you about it but they put you on a contract that locks your membership in for a specified period of time. Of course, I wasn’t told about this until I tried to cancel my membership. “You know you’re on a contract, right?” The overly aggressive testosterone-fueled rep said over the phone when I tried to cancel my membership. “Your contract lasts for another 14 months but you can buy yourself out of it for $400.” I asked if there were any other ways to cancel my membership without penalty and he said, “Well, if you’re physically unable to exercise we’ll let you go.”

How magnanimous. Looks like I’m locked in for another year.

My advise to those of you who are thinking about canceling your gym membership:

1. Initiate the cancellation process six months before you actually want to cancel.

See also  3rd Person Pronouns

2. Be prepared to be cross-examined on your reasons for leaving.

3. Be assertive and don’t let them talk you into one of their flex plans. You’re only delaying the inevitable.

4. If all else fails, become permanently disabled so you are physically unable to work out. If you show up with a pair of crutches, maybe the salesman will go easy on you. Not likely though – you can always exercise your upper body. Better to show up in a full body cast.

The best option is to just close your bank account so they can no longer automatically withdraw your money. They tried this on an episode of Friends but I never saw what happened. I was too busy haggling with the aggressive sales rep who refused to cancel my membership!