Abandonment issues in people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are some of the most pervasive and long-lasting conflicts that BPD sufferers deal with. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment is a classic symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder.
While you don’t have to have this symptom to have the disorder, I have yet to meet or talk with a diagnosed sufferer who doesn’t exhibit it. Though I am not a mental health professional, I am acquainted with several people who have been professionally diagnosed.
“I don’t think it is so easy to explain to “normal” people why we feel so deeply about being abandoned, or why every little nuance and gesture brings about thoughts of being abandoned.”, says Jamie.
Jamies’ Borderline Personality Disorder did not come to light until she was in her thirties and could no longer cover up the symptoms, but the time bomb suddenly went off and all of the sudden she was a person with a diagnosis. Though genetics probably plays some part in her mental health issues, she feels the root of her problems began very early in life.
She was sexually abused at a young age and most of what she can remember of her early childhood just furthers the sense of abandonment she still feels.
It is easy to see how that experience can leave you feeling abandoned in some way. Where was everyone who was supposed to be protecting her? How can such a young child be left to such a fate?
That feeling of being alone and out there by yourself with no help in sight stays with the Borderline Personality patient.
They take every gesture, every word, every action and analyze it. A simple conversation between spouses, friends, or family members can become a hotbed of uncertainty for them.
If you go shopping and don’t call them to go with you, they may feel like you hate them and don’t want to spend time with them. Even though it is imagined, they are seeing rejection. You say they would look good with a short haircut, then they feel like you don’t like the way they look now. Or maybe you have your eye on someone who looks the way you want them to look.
The thinking of the sufferer rarely follows logical lines and that is why it is so hard for others to understand and grasp.
It would be great if no one ever said anything that might set them off or get them rampaging over some imagined slight, but then pretty much no one could ever talk to them and that would just bring about the biggest sense of abandonment.
That’s pretty much why the book “Stop Walking On Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder” is so popular among those who have relationships with those who suffer from the illness. Everything you say can be used against you so you tend to tread carefully.
Given that those with Borderline Personality Disorder can be very difficult to deal with because of their behaviors; they tend to drive away those that they really want to keep close, and then when they go away, it gives them more reason to fear abandonment. It is a vicious cycle that is perpetuated by paranoia.
Sources
Wikipedia: Borderline Personality Disorder
Stop Walking On Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder” Randi Kreger and Paul Mason is a book available to help those who have relationships with persons with BPD. Available at most book stores or online suppliers.
