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Steps in Preparing Funeral Messages

Funeral Director, Funeral Services, Funerals

The late Jerry Falwell once joked that the work of the pastor was to hatch, patch, match and dispatch. I would have to agree. As a minister, perform all of those four functions in the life of the church.
Hatch: I visit people following the birth of children.
Patch: I visit people during and following a hospital stay or medical testing.
Match: I perform weddings, pre-marital and marriage counseling.
Dispatch: I perform funerals when called upon.

These are four roles that I fulfill as a minister. I wish I could say that all of them are pleasant. I have done more than my fair share of hospital visits for births and illnesses. I have celebrated with a number of couples for their weddings. One of the most difficult tasks that I face, as a minister, is preparing for funerals. I must admit, of all my roles, I like funerals the least. However, I firmly believe that ministers have an opportunity to help people in their times of greatest need following the death of a family member. Over the years, I have performed dozens of funerals and have learned some simple things that help make the task of preparing the service easier.

Remember there are two functions of the funeral service; to commemorate and to comfort. We commemorate the deceased by telling about their life and remember things about them. We comfort through compassionate words and scripture passages.

Here are a few things that I have found that make writing the funeral message easier. I have found that if I know the person well, I can fill in personal details with relative ease. The less I know the person, the more difficult it is to give personal details.

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Meet with the family
I always try to meet with the family prior to the visitation to help plan the actual service. This would include the selection of music, if not already done with the funeral director. I discuss the selection of scripture passages for the service and ask the family to suggest scriptures to include. I determine the location of the funeral. This may sound odd but I have performed a number of funerals at my church. Some families prefer this, especially if the deceased has a strong connection to the church.

There should also be some basic preparation for the service with times of the calling hours or visitation, the location of the cemetery and burial site and the funeral home handling the arrangements. Many of these items, can be handled over the phone if a personal meeting cannot be arranged prior to the visitation.

Add personal information beyond the obituary
In many areas, reading the obituary is not only an accepted practice but often expected by the family. I personally do not like this practice because it seems to be impersonal, especially if you do not know the deceased well. I always try to find out small bits of personal information to add beyond the obituary or in place of it, if possible. I ask about hobbies, likes or dislikes, personality, favorite things, and the like. Personal touches in the funeral message can help the family and friends of the deceased.
I especially try to find something that can be a bit humorous. A little humor in the right place can help lighten the load of grief. Just be careful when and where to use humor and use only a little. If I know the deceased or the family well, I am more likely to use humor.

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Find meaningful scriptures that apply to the person
When I meet with the family, I ask about specific passages of scripture that were especially meaningful to the deceased. On one occasion, a family allowed me to look through their mother’s Bible for marked passages and notes. This allowed me to incorporate the person’s faith in a truly personal way.

I personally keep an electronic copy of all of the funeral messages that I write. This helps me to build a database of information, illustrations and research for future funerals. I also have typed several different full funeral services into my computer. This would include prayers, scripture readings, and obituaries.

Be sure to have resources on hand
I keep a number of books and guides for funerals on hand to use when I need them. I find that many denominations have standard funeral services within their books of policy or worship. Many times I have found such aids incredibly helpful. These help suggest scripture readings, prayers and a standard format for the funeral service.

One thing that ministers need to remember is that we have been given the honor and privilege to help families in times of true need. Being available to perform funerals is just one way that we can assist those who struggle with grief.